Do you look in the mirror and think "who am I ?"

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Do you look in the mirror and think "who am I ?"
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 4:21pm
So, my soon to be ex and I seperated in Nov. We tried everything to work things out, I am near Chicago, and he had to move to Wi., because that's where his Dad is. It's right in the border, a 2 hour drive,nso he would come down every two weeks, so we could try and fix fhings. About 2 to 3 months ago, it was apparent it was not gone work. He was not even a enough to give me the divorce papers, he slipped them under the door, with a lovely letter (note he sarcasm). I finally signed the papers about a week ago, and we met at Starbucks. I didn't think it would hurt so bad, I thought I was over some of the hurt, but seeing him stirred up a lot. Way more than I thought. The curt date is the 13th. I don't think I have to go, well they said I didn't have to go,but I know I should. I am dreading it. I thoght I would live happily ever after. Luckily, our divorce is simple, nothing to divide, we don't have kids. It is simply paperwork, so disturbingly simple. Do any of you look in the mirror and think, "Who am I "? I spent so much time trying to save a broken marriage I lost myself. Inam redoing my house. That is helping, making this house "me". Finding me. Luckily, this house has been in my family for around 70 years, it is my Mom and me in the deed, she grew up here. Thank God that he had no rights to this house. I am just so stuck in this rut, on and off with depression. Somedays I have to force myself to get out of bed, even to lay on the couch. I can't even concentrate on tv, or books. I just want someone to understand. Going to bed is even hard, I am just not used to being alone. I feel like since the split, I just don't even know myself anymore. That is honestly the hardest part. I am slowly finding things I like, it's weird. I let him take so much of me. Meanwhile, he is living with someone already. It stings, not because I miss him, but because I am so lost. I am struggling, and not living too much, just existing. I am really tryig to get out more. I am a natural homebody, so it has been difficult. I went to have a drink with a family friend, I got a number from this guy, I just dont even know how to date! I don't even know what I like. I know it takes time. The fact that he is living with someone makes me think, why can't i get to that place. Not to live with someone, just to know me again, and even be able to live on my own successfully. I know I am going on and on but I don't know where else to talk about this. Maybe one of you has some insight. I am a total "yogi", I Have been doing yoga since high school, I was a good gymnast, that's what introduced me to it. I do yoga daily, I love it, I really do, it has always been an outlet for me. I also meditate. Although it has been a struggle even doing something I love. Maybe someone can relate. Thanks for listening, and hugs to all that are having a hard time. ShutterButterfly
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004


Everything you feel is the same thing I felt 15 years ago when I went through my divorce.

Some snippets of how I coped:

1)I put two pillows end-to-end in the bed next to me to mimick a body that I could lean up against when I slept.

2)I joined a gym and took my angst and anger to the workout. I lost 35 pounds and had ripped abs!

3)I joined a church and became an usher. I got to greet people of all ages every Sunday and I found new friends (not boyfriends) to share news and joys with every week.

4)I joined a divorce support group - and I only stayed as long as I felt I needed to go. It didn't become a substitute for friends and family.

I still cried. I still felt alone. I was very depressed. I just didn't let those feelings become my life. It took time - 3 years - before I felt I was free of the burden of these feelings but had I not done the work and made the effort to go on with my life I would have stayed "stuck" longer.

It's been 15 years and I have to actually stop and think about how long I have been divorced from the first spouse. He, too, found someone else immediately, but he didn't stay with that person. He did remarry but someone else completely.

Hang in there. It gets better.