Do you tell
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 03-22-2007 - 4:48pm |
this may not be the right question for this board, but here it goes.
i have been posting for a while now that i am divorcing my h primarily because he is an alcoholic. i won't go into all the details, they are there in past postings. i have not disclosed my a to him prior to our separation. he has grown suspicious and continues to ask me about it. he sends me mean vm's, tm's, emails. i know i may deserve it, and i want to be honest with him, tell him i was unfaithful to him, but he is still drinking heavily, still taking antidepressants, and still not employed. i never meant to hurt him, but my a was truly a reaction to an already bad situation.
i know there are alot of bs's on this board who have left their h or W because of an a and are now divorcing. so i hope my question doesn't offend you. but to those who are in my situation, do you tell? i don't want to hurt him anymore than he is hurt now, but he blames me for the demise of our marriage anyway. (alcoholics tend to blame everyone else for their problems) i see it as "guilt transferrence." (is that even a word)

Pages
thank you wildlucky. will you come to my house and give me a big hug????
i need one and i feel alone.
You betcha!!!!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Why tell? Your honesty is commendable, but we both know in the end, that it will only hurt him further.
fyi--I wouldn't tell. You are diviorcing anyways. It just seems counter-productive to me. Are you trying to hurt/punish him further?
Basically, they really don't care.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
hi what,
you said"
"do you tell? i don't want to hurt him anymore than he is hurt now, but he blames me for the demise of our marriage anyway."
Your words say 1) he blames you already and 2) you do not want to hurt him. By telling him, then you would be giving him MORE reason to blame you AND it would without a doubt hurt him. In the end, what purpose would telling him serve? What purpose would it serve you? Every action has a reaction. Some things are better left unsaid. I say keep it to yourself and try to have an amicable split is as possible.
Loves
Pages