Doctor said I was Co-Dependent

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Doctor said I was Co-Dependent
3
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 4:21pm

I went to the doctor today, and he said I was a bit co-dependent, can someone explain to me more what this is. All I know is I called him to check on our divorce, because I haven't been mailed anything (he's doing the divorce, without lawyers). Everyday I check the courts website, to see if anything has been done, yet. This is the first time I have called him, in like a month. I just miss him so much. I don't feel like I need him to live, but I do miss him quite abit. So if anyone has any insight on co-dependency, please let me know. Just feel really blue, today!

Thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 5:17pm

I'd recommend that you visit the Codependents and Love Addicts message board @ http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcodep I'd also recommend that you check your local library for a few books on the subject. I always think it's better to choose a book this way on a new subject. You get an idea of which books are helpful to you and written in a way that "speaks" to you.

Taken from the CODA website.

Denial Patterns:

* I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
* I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
* I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

* I have difficulty making decisions.
* I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
* I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
* I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
* I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
* I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

* I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
* I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
* I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
* I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
* I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
* I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

* I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
* I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
* I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
* I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
* I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
* I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
* I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.








In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

-shing xiong

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:53pm

Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. She has 5 or 6 books on the subject. She does a great job of explaining it and if you are co-dependent you will think she is writing about you.

Good luck.
M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 5:28pm

Please read Co-Dependant No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For YOurself by Melody Beattie...it's a great book. I'm co-depentant too. I've actually read the book several times...whenever I think that I needed too...lol