Does the guilt ever end?
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Does the guilt ever end?
| Thu, 04-13-2006 - 11:04am |
Hello again.
The last time I posted, I really got a lot of positive responses and so appreciated it.. If you remember, I posted about telling my girls (4 & 5) about the D.
So, I did tell them, last week. It was emotional and sad for all of us, but I really feel like they are taking it okay. My stbx was oldest's stepfather, and I really think she is only sad for me and her sister's sake. she knew him from age 2 mos and never really latched on. My other dd is another story...she sleeps with his picture and asks constantly. but they will be okay, at least I hope.
But this week...Oh, this week, the guilt is what is eating me alive. It is positively crippling. I feel guilt for everything. For making my daughters leave their beautiful home and move into a shared room at an apt. For making them switch schools. For crying too much. For not trying hard enough. For being angry w/ my stbx and letting it affect my mothering.
And I also feel guilt for HIM. Maybe I should have been more supportive. He was an alcoholic and I know that is a disease. I wouldn't have left if he had cancer. I feel guilty for every having little moments of happiness. for not always being sad that we split. For being excited about a new life. For making him give up things he worked hard for so he can pay me CS. For taking our daughter from his everyday life.
I can't stand this. I am second guessing my every move. feeling bad most of the time, then feeling bad for feeling good.
has anyone else dealt with this? any advice or ideas? tia.
Sarah
The last time I posted, I really got a lot of positive responses and so appreciated it.. If you remember, I posted about telling my girls (4 & 5) about the D.
So, I did tell them, last week. It was emotional and sad for all of us, but I really feel like they are taking it okay. My stbx was oldest's stepfather, and I really think she is only sad for me and her sister's sake. she knew him from age 2 mos and never really latched on. My other dd is another story...she sleeps with his picture and asks constantly. but they will be okay, at least I hope.
But this week...Oh, this week, the guilt is what is eating me alive. It is positively crippling. I feel guilt for everything. For making my daughters leave their beautiful home and move into a shared room at an apt. For making them switch schools. For crying too much. For not trying hard enough. For being angry w/ my stbx and letting it affect my mothering.
And I also feel guilt for HIM. Maybe I should have been more supportive. He was an alcoholic and I know that is a disease. I wouldn't have left if he had cancer. I feel guilty for every having little moments of happiness. for not always being sad that we split. For being excited about a new life. For making him give up things he worked hard for so he can pay me CS. For taking our daughter from his everyday life.
I can't stand this. I am second guessing my every move. feeling bad most of the time, then feeling bad for feeling good.
has anyone else dealt with this? any advice or ideas? tia.
Sarah

Sarah.....Sarah...you are I are cut from the same cloth...the GUILT cloth! One of the reasons I stayed in my marriage for so long is that I was wracked with guilt. How could I do this to our son? What if I had to move to another town to afford rent? What if my son is permanently scarred from the divorce?
When children are involved and you have to make changes in their lives, it's hard not to feel guilty. But when you have a guilty feeling such as: I made my daughters change schools. Counter it with another thought: I am becoming a better mother because I am not consumed by my STBX's addiction.
I also have feelings of guilt about feeling good, especially since my STBX makes it known that he his miserable. The best way I have been able to cope with it is through counseling. It has been a long, hard process, but I am getting there. And you will, too!
I give you permission to be happy and excited about your new life!
PS - In your profile, it says you spend time on the Tattoos and Piercings board....what do you have?
PPS - <why you'd want to have me on a desert island with you
You wouldn't. I would be all worried and upset and emotional about how to get off the island.> - THAT totally cracked me up!
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I like your idea about counter-acting the negative thoughts. I will do that, and maybe in a journal so I can re-affirm to myself. :) Thank you again for the kind words!
I haven't sought counseling yet, I know I need to...I just am not sure if I am going to have to move to a different town, so I thought it was best to wait and be sure to establish a relationship with one I knew I could stick with!
in RE: to your PS...I haven't been to the board in a little while since all this got crazy, but i have 3 tattoos, all in obscure places..hip, back, etc. one is a moon and star design, one is a tribal turtle, and one is chinese symbol for strength. they are all pretty small. when the D is final I may celebrate with one more. we'll see. I also have my bellybutton peirced and a tiny nose stud. do you have tattoos/piercings?
aaaand haha about the island. Just being honest. I am guilt ridden, nervous, and nuerotic. But I like to say, at least I can admit it! :)