Does this happen to you...
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Does this happen to you...
| Mon, 10-31-2005 - 9:41am |
.....the week before was easy. Things seemed to go smoothly. I wasn't obessing, I was making plans I was not thinking about my marriage ending. But last week I was a wreck. All of a sudden any darn TV show, or news atricle, or person telling me a story was hard. I kept thinking about the marriage and how I wished it had worked, how I wish I could have done more, and why did he give up on us, why didn't he try.....all the questions just kept coming down on me like a cloud. I had no answers and it just kept pounding me and pounding me. I tried journaling it out but I could not find the positive.
Does this happen to anyone? Its been since Aug 20th when he moved out and onto someone else. I don't know how to stop the flood of feelings when they come. Any suggestions?
Does this happen to anyone? Its been since Aug 20th when he moved out and onto someone else. I don't know how to stop the flood of feelings when they come. Any suggestions?

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Thanks. I will pray that your mediation goes well.
My STBX doesn't try to make things about me and him. He doesn't share anything about his new life with me unles he has to regarding our kids since we have a "right to first refusal" in our parenting plan. He quit sharing things with me months before he filed for divorce and moved out. He misses the kids, but I don't think he misses me at all. It's me who's having a hard time not sharing my "new life" with him when he's around.
This morning I did something different though. I was planning to drop our DS (18 months) off at STBX's house on my way to work after walking our DD to the bus stop. However, while we were getting dressed for work and school he's ringing my door bell because DD left her fleece jacket at his house (NOT the only jacket she owns; I didn't call him and ask him to bring it over; and he's done this before). The kids of course are happy to see him and DD runs downstairs to let him in.
Instead of hanging out with him and the kids for another ten minutes or so at home and then at the bus stop, I went to work a little early to get a head start on my busy day. If he keeps showing up unexpectedly like that I'm going to send him an email/phone call suggesting some additional ground rules. It's not fair for him to regularly intrude on my morning time with the kids. Since he generally works evenings, his mornings are probably when he misses the kids the most for the same reason that I can't sleep when the kids aren't with me at night because I always put them to bed before the separation. . . I do get to tell them good night on the phone, but it's not the same.
I have been seeing a therapist since he left 8 mos ago...everything you are going through is normal..and as my therapist says..he has had a lot more time to think about this than you..in my case my stbx moved on before he left..he says he didn't have an affair physically but I'm sure he did emotionally...even yesterday we were on the phone discussing our "dead" relationship..that's something I wish I would stop! But he was my best friend..even in the bad times we talked 6 times a day on the phone..it just doesnt seem right not to talk to him..
About the support system...I have my mom & my sister..& they are getting weary!..I have pushed away my best friend..she doesnt understand how I "just don't get over it already!"
It is hard for people who have not been through this to understand..coming here has helped me alot!
Just remember everyone at their own pace...It has gotten easier not so many breakdowns..
If you want write me anytime..I'm always here :)
Hi there... I too go through the same thing. One day/week I am fine... then I either hear his name or something happens to make me think about him (i've been dreaming about him A LOT lately!) and how he wanted out of our marriage without even trying. I'm learning to let the emotions out...if I feel like crying I leave work for about a half hour to pull myself together. (Luckily I work in a very flexible environment!)
Finding out that my Ex brought another woman to our house several months ago for a weekend made me realize that he actually did have someone else even though he swore he didn't... tough stuff to handle. What's worse is that I was considered a "daughter" to his parents since I was with him for so long (17 years...) but they don't even bother to contact me even if it is just to see how I am doing... heck.. they never even called or sent a card for my birthday... it's a lot to deal with. Greiving is still a a part of what I go through each and every day. I have yet to forgive him for everything that has happened... i know someday I will (not that he'll ever know it) but right now...
Hang in there... hugs
Ali
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