Does it always hurt when they move on?
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| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 9:45am |
I just found out this past weekend that my ex (we've been separated for just over a year and divorced for about 8 months) is engaged. His girlfriend use to be a friend of mine...she was at my friggin BABY SHOWER and we were all friends (so I thought) and that's why this is so hard. I know they didn't "get together" until after we were separated, but it hurts so bad because I knew her. Now they are living together in the house the HE & I bought together, she is sleeping in the bed that HE & I slept on and to complete her new role as ME, she is spending time with MY DAUGHTER. We share 50% custody, so that w***re spends just as much time with my daughter as I do. So who would have thought that all that time we hung out, she would be stepping in and taking over one day. I hate her so much. My ex sat down with me and tried to have a serious conversation about how I need to "respect" her and "be nice" to her because she's going to be in his life and our daughter's life forever....and i'm making it hard on her. Oh boo freakin' hoo- cry me a river. To make matters worse, while he & I were married he worked until midnight every night because he hated being home, never took me anywhere, and completely ignored me. Now with her, they go on trips to Europe every few months, go out all the time and that a$$ actually leaves work at 5pm EVERY DAY TO GO HOME TO HER. WHAT THE HELL???????? I hope she's happy that I endured 7 years of a crappy marriage for her to live like a Goddess. Congratulations!
As you can see i'm full of a lot of rage, but i'm also full of a lot of hurt. All I have been doing since I found out about the engagement is thinking about him and what we had. Not the bad stuff, but only the good. I miss my house, my dogs, my life. Now I live in an apartment, have no money, and am miserable. By the way, the reason he has the house is because I chose to let him have it considering I couldn't handle the mortgage payments.
I think the weirdest part for me is to hear him defend her, stand up for her and say "You need to treat her with respect, because I love her"....it's so hard to hear him defend another woman and tell ME how much he loves her, when we were together for so long and I was with him for so long. It just hurts. Though this divorce was originally my desire, and it was for the right reasons- I just can't help but to wish I never wanted it. I miss him. Is this normal? Does it ever get better???
Lainie

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Thank you all SO MUCH for the uplifting, encouraging responses! It feels so good to hear from people who know *exactly* how I feel, and they have all survived somehow.
I really appreciate it :)
Oh, you'd all be proud of me- I was so tempted to call his girlfriend yesterday afternoon (I have her cell number, we use to be friends) but I resisted and actually DELETED her number from my phone. I know that I'd end up leaving her a nasty voicemail and her & my ex would be on the phone with the lawyer immediately. He is just waiting for me to screw up and waiting for me to give him a reason to get full custody. NOT GONNA HAPPEN....MY LITTLE GIRL ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE!!!
Lainie
Lainie,
I loved reading this post... I am so excited that you have started to take these steps... Great job NOT calling, even though I know you really wanted to and not giving your stbx and fuel for the fire...
In this post, you sound like you've got a piece of yourself back and you're willing and ready to fight for what is yours... Yeah you! We're proud of ya!
Keep us posted!
Julie
In a word........YES!!!!!!!!!!
Your feelings are entirely normal. I've been in your same spot and felt the same way. Other women have written about it too. This is just part of the normal grieving process of divorce and moving on...
I do feel for you,
Cupcake
Edited for the following: I replied to your post before I read all the responses in the thread. Congratulations on your brave and mature actions. Be the better person. Our ex's new loves don't matter----OUR KIDS DO!!!!!!
Atta-gurl!
Edited 1/6/2006 1:54 pm ET by momsacupcake
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