Does it feel like a bad dream to you?
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| Sun, 04-30-2006 - 10:42am |
Does your situation (separation, dissolution, divorce) feel like a bad dream? Kind of surreal like it really isn't happening, and one day you'll wake up and your husband will come to his senses and be the man you had hoped to marry.
Sometimes I feel "ok" since I had been mentally alone for a long time, and the fighting has decreased. Other times I think "this can't be happening...what's wrong with me?" I also wonder how I can cope without a man around to help with the daily things, like staying with the kids while I go to a meeting or doing some routine maintenance. I feel he got off "easy" since he moved out and left me with taking care of our house that's for sale and taking care of the children almost all the time.
We have a court date set and I feel like I will just fall apart that day (June 16). Any advice how to move on and how to get through the court day?

I agree it's hard not to have a man in the house to fix things, etc. Recently, I got a young tenant who pays 1/2 rent and does housechores likes mowing, carwashing & fix things.
I don't know what's going to happen to my house, if I have to sell it, rent the whole house, move to another town and have my son start school somewhere else.
RE: courtdate ... attorneys and paralegals would advise that you sit in on divorce court hearings at the family courthouse. Familiarize yourself with the proceedings prior to your own court date. Good luck !
It definitely does feel surreal for a while. But I think as each day passes, that feeling of non-reality lessens, even if you don't realize it. One day, you'll turn around and realize that you went a whole day without crying...then a week...etc.
And about June 16...I know these court dates can be upsetting. For me, I had never been to court before, so I was just nervous about being there! It proved to be a good distraction. I focused on how nervous I felt, and didn't think much about anything else. I was distracted about when I should sit, stand, how I should answer questions, etc.
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank
There was definitely a time when it all felt like it was a bad dream... I even had a dream one day about my then stbx coming home and all was wonderful and blah blah blah...
It will get better with time, but it isn't easy... just take each day one at a time and try to focus on the positive things around you... I know that I used to really focus on one thing that Joey did to make me smile the previous day... it was my happy thought, for whenever I needed one...
Also, someone gave me a quote that really hit the nail on the head for me... No Man is Worth Tears and the ONE who is would never make you cry...
Good Luck!
Julie
Thanks everyone. I like that quote Julie, I'll have to remember it! I keep having thoughts that he will comes to his "senses" and realize what he needs to do to improve our marriage. But then I realize it's probably gone too far...too many bad memories, harsh words, and anger. And I've come to understand my part in all this. I've been thinking about June 16 (and it was odd to see someone else write it) and how I will handle it. It was basically the first open day for my lawyer, the court, and me. The next date good for everyone would be about 3 weeks later. I happen to have a class that day (I'm adding hours onto my teaching cert.), so I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I'll have to leave and come back. The attorney said 9-9:30 basically, and I'm done. Gee, 21 years of marriage over in 5 minutes! Hmm...sounds like a Xanax day! *sigh*
I am trying to move on, but it's just so darn hard! Believe me, I have plenty of things to focus on though...work, house, and kids. No big down time...lol.
THanks, Jo
I could have used a Xanax at work today... OMG things just kinda blew up around me... it was horrid... breathe in and breathe out and remember that tomorrow is another day...
Keep your chin up!
*hugs*
Julie
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~