Does it get easier?
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Does it get easier?
| Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:10pm |
Hi - I've just visited this board today for the first time - and I was wondering if anyone had any words of wisdom for me. Last August my husband told me he wasn't happy, he only came home to see our 3 year old son and I was a month away from giving birth to our daughter. We tried counseling, he wasn't interested in trying. He had developed a close friendship with another woman and he felt she was his best friend - I wasn't the soul mate he thought I was. Now, I'm a single parent. He moved out in April - our son is 4 and our little girl is 10 months old. I have a good job and think I can stay in our house - he works ridiculous hours and hardly sees the kids. He's a dad when it's convenient - I am Mommy ALL the time, and I'm tired, and I'm lonely - I have friends, but I'm LONELY. It's been a year since my marriage of 10 years began to unravel - and some days I feel fine, like I can do it - then, he has the kids overnight and it becomes so real and I'm here alone, again. I'm torn between wanting to encourage him to take the kids more often so that he can build a relationship with them and I can have a break - and feeling guilty that I'm not taking care of them. I sometimes don't even recognize myself - I want to move on - but I don't think I know how. How do people do it? Work, take care of kids and a home, have a life of their own? I'm so scared I can't do it. Am I the only one?

I have found that the messages on this board do a world of good because it amazes me how many strong women there are out there who have gone through the same pain and somehow managed to smile at the other end. You will too someday!
Thank you for the great thoughts. I too am grateful for the 2 children that came as a result of my marriage. My daughter is having an especially difficult time. She feels like no one understands what she is is going thru. None of her friends' parents are divorced. She feels so out of place and different. 11 is such a difficult age.
It bewilders me that my husband makes no effort to understand what she and my son are going thru. When the children are with him, usually 3 times per week for about 2- 3 hours per visit he refuses to open up with them, let them talk about their feelings,.. He does not speak with their therapist to see what is happening emotionally with them. He just wants to move on with his life. He is the product of a divorce and an emotionally dependent mother who expected him to do everything for her. She passed away in 2003 after a long illness and I think that is when he started his "exit" from our family.
Just like you I wake up everyday knowing that I am a bit closer to an outcome that will be much better formy children and myself. It is difficult not to be frightened of the bills and mortgage that he no longer feels responsible for. Reading the stories of so many other women who are in the same situation help.
Again, thank you for your response and I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts. Do you know the song, In My Daughter's Eyes, by Martina McBride? I listen to it when I need a bit of strength and reassurance that I am doing the best I can for my son and daughter.
Good Luck!