Does this sound familiar to anyone?
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| Tue, 10-24-2006 - 5:20pm |
After being together for 9 years, 9 months ago, my husband decided that he was unhappy and that he no longer loved me as his wife. In his words "there will always be a place in his heart for me as the children's mother." He left and I was crushed. I immediately put myself into counseling and picked myself up by my boot strings and managed life with my three children. He went to counseling too and upon my prompting in August we started counseling together but only discussed communication issues.
Three weeks ago, I told my husband that I was no longer going to "wait" for him and that I was moving on with my life. He immediately explained that he did love me and he was clouded when he said that to me and I need to forgive him. It has been a nightmare ever since. He waited for me to come to the point that I had to move on to tell me that he loved me and now I don't belive him. I think he is just trying to hold on because now I am leaving him.
Of course there is more to it but this is the jist of it. Anyone have a simular circumstance? I can't believe that just a little over two years ago I was posting on the pregnancy board. Times have changed

You bet!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hello,
He is probably afraid to move on. The change, the loneliness, losing you and the kids and the usual habits can be all scary.
He probably thought you will stop him, you will come around and stop the fall, the loss and the pain, for him to see you so strong and moving away made him feel scared.
I don’t know how he arrived at that point when he said what he said to you, but if his convection was strong he will say it again, and again until he feels strong enough to leave, putting possibly through this few times before the moment of let go.
You and only you know the whole story and can predict what will happen if you go back to him.
If there is a hope for healing go for it, forgive him and heal your life and the life of your family, if not (and only you know that), be strong and conclude it.
Good luck!
Oh, yes! My husband has been promising me the moon and the stars since I told him I am leaving. I have heard it all before though, and I know it will only last long enough to suck me back in. Three months from now he'd be back to his old ways. If you know that's what he is doing, don't fall for it!
Just my 2 cents - good luck whatever you decide!
Rebecca
This thread is really reassuring to me. My husband is still living with me until he can find a place, and he's been so helpful and nice since I told him I wanted a divorce that it's making me have second thoughts about the whole thing (see my post "fear making me have second thoughts"). My mind knows that he'll be back to the same old crap right away, but my heart wants to forgive him. Once he moves out, I should be able to see things more clearly. In the long run, this is for the best.
~~Mandy
Sounds familiar to me!
I think my XH wanted the divorce more than me, but wouldn't do anything about it. Once I called his bluff and bought a house, he got all lovey-dovey and nice. To top it all off, he had an accident and broke his ankle and screwed up his knee, ergo, he couldn't drive, so I was hauling him to work every day, all the while living in my own house. He swore he'd change. He thanked me profusely. He wanted to work on the marriage. He got the all-clear to drive on a Wednesday and had a date on Friday night.
Leopards don't REALLY change their spots!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Why can't these men just be happy with what they have?
Why does it take us telling them we are done 'waiting' for them to think they can't live without us? My sort-of husband (we have a separation agreement) can't understand why I am done waiting for him to decide what he wants. He thinks he should not have to put any work into this relationship until he 'feels ready.' In the last week since I told him I was 'done' with our marriage, he has been nicer than ever. I just can't fall for it this time........
In my mind, ready or not, we are either working towards fixing our relationship and family, or we are divorcing and moving on with our lives. Does this sound unreasonable?
Nope, not unreasonable but maybe unabtainable. I don't think that there is a "we" anymore. With my realization today, it is all about "him" and I do not have the luxury of thinking about "me." I have to focus on my children and the gaping wound he left in my soul.
I have decided that I can no longer be there to applaud the baby steps he is making and keep my sanity. For now, I am moving on. I believe that if he truly grows our paths will come together again but if he does not give me the breathing room I need I will be forced to push him away even further.
Yes, this sounds very familiar to me because I lived it and I've read this exact situation over and over again. I admire your courage and strength through this and I suggest you listen to yourself when you say you don't trust him anymore.
Melanie
You sound like you are at a place where healing can begin. It's amazing- I can't take him sucking the life out of me anymore, but I calle dhjim yesterday to make sure he kept a doctors apointment. This is the same guy who went to work and never came home to me and the 3 kids. You put it perfectly, we are not here to applaud every baby step....now we just have to stick to it. It is finally up to them, I guess.....
This sounds a bit lame, but the best relationship advice I ever got went something like this "It's like sitting at the dinner table. When you have had enough, you get up and walk away." Lame, but sort of true?