Doing much better
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| Sun, 01-15-2006 - 4:40pm |
The last month was about the hardest thing I have ever been through. It felt like every few days STBX would drop a new bomb on me and I was reeling from the constant escalation of him and his new woman.
The good news is in the past few weeks I started on anti-depressants and have no regrets. I feel so much better. I have still have times where I feel the knot in my stomach, but now when he tells me something new I am able to keep myself together. I am no longer feeling on the verge of panicking all day long, and my friends say they are happy to see me smiling again without the look of strain behind it.
There has been a small amount of satisfaction (as petty as it may be) in that his new woman is already upset with him for behaviors I complained about and was hurt by for years. Welcome to my world, sweetheart!
I have been able to accomplish quite a bit as well. I have an attorney now and am having them draw up the petition for dissolution of marriage (I'm filing for joint legal, and primary physical custody of the kids, I have been able to get my bills in order and take his name off of all of what he was on, I have my own bank account, I applied for a home equity loan so I can do the repairs that are needed on the house, I wrote thank you letters I had been neglecting since Christmas, I have packed up boxes of his clutter that was all over the house, and my current project is cleaning out the garage.
This is so much better than the woman I was a few weeks ago, who was so depressed she couldn't get up to go do the dishes.

Hey Gwen...
It's so great to hear from you again... I've been thinking of you, hoping that you're doing all right and am glad to hear that you're doing better than you were, just one short month ago... this post was very inspiring to see how far you've come...
I'm glad to hear that you've been to the doctor and the meds are working well for you... they can really make a difference and I'm so happy to hear that you are more like yourself these days... I remember one dinner early in my separation and someone commented that I was smiling and it looked like I was ~really~ enjoying myself for the first time in a long time and I was... it felt good to get there...
I'm not saying that it was always smooth sailing, as those bad days did/do pop up sometimes... but it seems like once you've gotten to where you are right now, you're better able to handle those rougher days...
Good for you on the steps you've taken... the attorney, working towards agreements... I have joint legal and primary physical custody of Joey and it works out very well... Way to go on getting the bills in order... always a challenge, even more so during the holiday season!
Congratulations on taking these steps... you're right... you've come a long way in a month... and I'm proud of you...
Julie
Gwen,
You give me hope. Although I feel ok (denial),I know that as we move forward in the divorce that there are dark days to come.
Reading your post gives me so much hope. Seeing how far you have come helps me know that I can do this.
Stick around and keep letting us know how you are doing.
Julie,
Thanks for your support. This board is great for getting support no matter how you are feeling or where you are in your divorce. I know I'm far from over this, but I'm glad to be feeling relief from the pressure and sadness right now.
chickygirl2,
That means a lot to me to hear someone say I give them hope. It's really the anti-depressants. I tried to do it all by myself. I thought that all the pain and anxiety I was feeling was part of the process and that if I allowed myself to feel it I would come out the other side healed. What I feel like now is that I did feel pain and anxiety for weeks, but that my kids need a functioning mom. I've also kept contact with my STBX to an absolute minimum.
Since he is jobless, he comes over every day to watch our 5 year old who isn't in kindergarten yet. He walks in, I say hi, then I get my stuff and leave after kissing the kids good-bye. Then when I get home he leaves fairly quickly and I feel relief as I watch his sorry ass walk out the door and my house feels like mine again.
Right now I'm trying to focus on all the good things my life is going to bring without him being around. I have lived in a messy house for years primarily because I could never keep up with the messes he creates and he doesn't pick up after himself. Now I get to have a clean house and if I come home to a mess, I stand there and make him deal with it before he leaves. I feel like I've had a 220lb. weight loss, and am now looking forward to what my new life will bring.
I've also managed, by some miracle of God, to start a new relationship with my mother-in-law. She and I have had problems the whole length of our marriage and now we get along great. While she of course has to be there for her son, she sympathizes greatly with me. She tells me he is just like his father who divorced her back when my STBX was 8.
Just hang in there, chickygirl2, and for your own sanity keep contact to a minimum. You are going to have a very hard time healing and moving on with him constantly talking to you. I have not posted except about myself because I feel like I'm still too new in this to be giving advice to anyone, but keeping contact to a limit and only talking about the kids is some of the best advise I've been given here. Otherwise whatever progress you make will just keep being undone by trying to figure why your STBX is such a jackass. Just accept he is a jackass and life gets a lot easier.
Edited 1/16/2006 10:57 am ET by gwen227
You should not feel bad about having to take meds to get through this. At least you recognized that you could not do it alone, be proud that you got help and brought yourself back up to 'par'.
As for not offering advice, I see you as having so much to offer. The things you have done to get yourself back on track can help so many of us. And you know just knowing that someone feels the same way or has experienced the same things is such a comfort.
Keep posting, I know for me I have found more internal strenth here than even my long term friends. It is so nice to know that there are others and I think we have such a great supportive group here. I look forward to talking to everyone and venting each day.
Have a great night, talk to you soon