Domestic Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Child Abuse - Separation
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|Tue, 02-12-2013 - 1:48pm|
We are separated physically and I am ready to legally file for separation. I live in North Carolina which requires you to legally separate for 1 year and 1 day before you can file for divorce. I have made up my mind. I cannot live like this any more and will not raise my children like this. While the events didn't happen often they were becoming more and more frequent. Once November 2011. Then twice back to back in Summer 2012. The last time he pulled out his gun and threatened to kill himself. He broke my DS (12) toe by throwing him into a wall that summer too. I begged him to talk to his doctor, but he would not. I stayed and the incidents calmed down.
Then he moved us out about 4 hours from where we were living and it was the final straw for me. I lost my support system completely. We have had 3 big moves in 7 years because he wants to run (from who knows what). He had 5 jobs last year and while they were all very well paying, he was laid off from 2 and has hopped from the others. He just texted me today and said he got an offer from another company and now wants to take that job. Just last night he told me how much he loved his current position. I told him I thought it was a bad idea.
Long post longer... On December 21 I moved me and the kids back to the exact same neighborhood we were in (even on the same street). My middle schooler picked up his schedule at the middle school he was orginally at and my kindergardener fell right back into place at his school. We couldn't be happier. Then DH moved to a neighborhood down the street. Fine. He has the boys on Wednesday and Thursday and every other weekend. It seems to be working.
He would only go see someone after I told him I wanted to be separated. Now he acts like he has been transformed into this fake loving weird person. Even my 12 year old recognizes it and thinks it's weird. My 6 year old is taking full advantage of him by getting him to buy/do stuff for him. He really wants to reconcile and I do not. I have told him on several occassions that I want to file for legal separation. He cries and cries. Part of his mental illness and part of being together for 21 years (17 of it marriage). He has become extremely jealous of my relationship with my boys (which I have had to work at for 12 years). I am very close with my 12 year old. When they go there he asks them prying questions and gets upset when they don't answer correctly. He has agreed to mediation / collobration as opposed to litigation and has said for me to write up what I want. But then he keeps pressuring me to do things like go to dinner with him and the boys. Meet us at the mall when we go shopping. Drop off a bottle of wine on my front porch.
How do I stop this behavior? I have read the other posts about being a broken record. I feel like it dosen't work. Should I go to counseling with him? I just really don't want to. Any advice?