Done out of spite or out of "nice" ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Done out of spite or out of "nice" ?
41
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 8:06am

In one of my previous posts I told you guys about my ex and my mom and aunt meeting for dinner so my mom and aunt could see the kids. ( the reason behind mom going over my head is still unknown )


I guess I am having a hard time seeing my ex accepting my mother's invitation as being anything other than something done out of spite. I found out that ex's girlfriend was there as well. This is the woman he left me for.


I personally, see it as being somewhat of a way to get back at me or a way to use it against me in the future ( by OW )


A little history. When X left he stopped talking to everyone in his family including his mother and father. ( who are divorced ) I kept in touch for about 6 months or so basically out of guilt for the children. His mother moved into my neighborhood and continued to stop over to see the kids. His father lives out of town and offered for me to come visit, but I never did. Mostly because I felt uncomfortable, seeing as his father's house is where we had our honeymoon a couple of months before H left. His mom visiting got to be too much for me emotionally and I decided that it wasn't my responsibility to keep his family in touch with the children. Sort of my way of pushing him to be with his family instead of being an outsider. It worked, a few months later he visited with his father and his mother now lives in the apartment behind them. I still never went behind his back to insure his family saw the kids.


OW and I have a sorted past, so to speak. We were friends for a couple of months while she was seeing my then husband. I even had her over for Christmas dinner the first Christmas we had without H. We were one big happy family....lol... anyway, she has Borderline personality disorder ( or so she told me) and if any of you know the characteristics of that, you will know it's a "I hate you, please don't leave me" kind of thing.... Well that got to be too much for me and I had had enough of her outbursts towards me and regarding the children.... we stopped being friends. The problem, I still get backlash from her about how much better she is than me. It is out of nowhere and mostly because something is going on in her life that makes her unhappy or stressed. I am the easiest person to pick on I guess.... Anyway, I know that in the future she will use her meeting with my mother and aunt against me. She has to prove that she is better than me. ( although I know it isn't, she still tries ) I am totally scared of what she will say about my family, now that she has met them face to face.


Given my past with her I believe her immaturity and her need to feel better than me made her "force" my XH to do this dinner meeting thing. My ex hasn't spoken to my mother but once in almost 2

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005

I agree. It's why even though I "know" her, I thought it would be good for people on the board to know our story and learn from it. I know I learned a lot today.


Thank you to everyone!

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