Don't Depend on Stipulation Agreements

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Don't Depend on Stipulation Agreements
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 2:14pm


Get A Court Order As Soon As Possible Into Your Divorce Process -- Do Not Depend That A Stipulation Agreement Will Be Enforced.

I just wanted to post a little info for anyone going through a divorce in California. When I first filed for divorce, and moved to an apartment, I had a lawyer. At the first hearing (I filed in January), both of our lawyers went out in the hallway and created something called a Stipulation Agreement. At that time stbx would not hear of 50-50 parent plan or anything, so my lawyer submitted the paperwork to be 80% me, 20% the father with other visitation basically any time he asked, aside from the ordered two days early evening visits (not overnights) and then every other weekend with him.

The county court clerk ran the dissomaster which is what is used in this state, based supposedly on the non custodial parents income (I had last three years of IRS tax forms to substantiate that he had made/was earning an AVERAGE of $61,000. annually.0 The court clerk calculated the amount of child support, and additionally a spousal support amount. The judge stamped it and signed, and the stbx and I both signed, and our lawyers.

At first he wouldn't pay anything at all, he would literally bring bags of food to the front porch area and that was it, no payments, he gave us food and I was not working as I was told by the judge for the 'time being' to continue to homeschool the children to provide them with stability until the divorce was done, supposedly here it is about 6 months....NOT. He is a control-monger extraordinaire and pulling up and putting bags of food at the front door - that was a way to humiliate me for actually filing for the divorce. My fondest dream is someday to interract with him in the least possible manner only to do with our children, and to live life as an adult with my own choices actually mattering in life. Sometimes a person in a victim role really does want to stop being a victim...many say 'just do it' --- you don't have to be a 'victim' -- that advice I have taken to heart, but the practicality of trying to get out of this cruddy position eludes me with my children as my focus point. I love them so totally.

After about two months he started to give me cash here and there, always making me sign homemade receipts, which at least I got a copy of as well. Then he began to make cs payments - very sporadic and always, always less-than the amount written into the Stipulation Agreement. An actual court order was drawn up after the next hearing wherein he agreed and decided he did want to have 50-50 parenting. So there was a new judge at that time as he had gotten our first one 'recused' somehow...(said she was a
femi-nazi....*sighs long and loud.) The cs was recalculated of course, and was substantially less, literally about 50% of the first cs calculated in what is called the Stipulation Agreement. That was understandable, we both would at that point be assuming supposedly near 50-50 parenting time for the children. Btw stbx didn't pay the new lower amount, on time ever; there was a garnishment of wages submitted as I explained to the judge his prior cs history and that his family owns the business he works for. That still didn't do anything to change his sporadic payments.

He would just give us some amount when he 'decided' that his company made money that week, often saying there was no money made by his company, so he wasn't going to give us the cs.. I had no lawyer by then. He was telling the children that mommy was trying to get daddy put in jail because he was so poor he just couldn't afford the cs payments; and I was grateful to get anything at all -- it was so hard to make it; and I thought and was told the county child support agency would eventually 'catch up to him' and he would someday in the magical future be made to pay arrears. Heh.

Fast forward -- we all know how overworked the child support agencies are. The county agency here (9 months from filing) was finally able to get to my application for help and are taking action this month I am told. The worker I was assigned is very kind and explains everything in a way that is understandable but not talking 'down' to me. They said I will probably have my first half months payment by the end of November. He and his family and their lawyer have now got a Child Support Hearing set.

I have now received documents from the child support county agency that I must fill out and return; he is saying he only made $7 per hour since June - the date of the first actual Temporary Court Order, after the five months of the Stipulation Agreement. His family has made his paychecks go from a salaried employee to that of only an hourly worker and he supposedly is making near minimum wage only. He is now going to the Child Support Agency and appealing...wanting the cs changed and saying that I owe HIM for back/arrearages because the job I finally found (having been out of the workforce for well over 10 years) paid me $15.50 per hour, so he says I owe him back support, not vice versa.

When I called the support agency to see what it is I am supposed to bring to this hearing, since I cannot get a lawyer, they went over some of the information I had sent to them. She was talking for a bit, and I realized that she was discussing arrearages only for the lesser amount assigned in the court order since May. I politely questioned her about the 5 months at the other amount, and she was very nice, but said they will take NO ACTION on that whole period. She said it is the norm or quite common for divorcing parents to set up what is called a stipulation agreement, and the court does read it and acknowledge whether is is within general guidelines and is 'fair.' But in the enforcement of child support, the county agency cannot pursue anything that was signed under a stipulation agreement between the parents. So, all the heck the kids and I went through, all the scraping to get by...now he is appealing even the lower amount set at the point which he agreed to 50-50 parenting, and he is going to try and get back arrearage (is that a word??) from me.

I pray that what I have been told, that they go by the IRS tax forms is really true and that whomever makes the decision at this child support hearing (it will not be our presiding judge, but rather it will be whomever is on the rotating docket that day...) will realize this is an ugly game the father has played in order to get out of providing reasonable child support for his children. Further I pray the rotating judge that day is the female judge whom my stbx got 'recused' --- that would be poetic justice.

So those of you just starting the process, the stipulation thing may be a good way to initially start like for the first few weeks etc, but get a hearing and get the actual court order in place as quickly as you can. Don't let the lawyer tell you 'oh this is the normal way its handled, the court date will be sometime off because the courts are so busy etc, yada yada yada" ... bug your lawyer to get a court hearing as soon as you possibly can.

I hope there are many happy smiles around your Thanksgiving Holiday tables. I wish your families peace. I ask for prayer again, as I am not in a situation which will look good for the judge to place the children with me...still trying to figure out some answers to housing. *Hugs, Annah