Don't HATE me...HELP me! Please!!!
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| Thu, 11-16-2006 - 10:29pm |
I am the most devestated I have EVER been in my entire life. I brought this ALL on myself which only makes this worse. I have NO ONE to blame...so I feel lower than I can go. I have seriously contemplated taking my own life over this situation.
I am married ( at the moment) to a man 15 years older than me. I have two children who are mine from a previous marriage. We have been married for 7 years. Together for 10.
3 years ago he began working nights. He is hard-working, a good lover, generous beyond belief. He was WONDERFUL to me. Except he did have a brief affair about 4 years ago.
Well, I am alone 6 nights a week. I NEVER saw my husband except for a few hours on Sundays. We grew apart. I met someone and started an emotional affair that turned into something more serious. My husband found out and we worked through this.
Being the sucker that I am, I was drawn back to this other man, but decided that it had to be OVER. OVER. I told him this. He said that if I left him, he would call my husband and tell him EVERYTHING. DETAILS. I begged him NOT to do this. Not just for me, but for the sake of my children.
I do love my husband. I knew that if we could just get time back together, to reconnect, we would find the love that we had lost. I wanted my FAMILY. I know that my husband was THE MAN for me. I would have done anything.
Well, the other man did call my husband. Told him everything. I am reaping what I had sowed. I own my disgrace. I owe SO MUCH to my children for this. The trust I lost with them is beyond shameful.
My husband, in no uncertain terms has told me that it is OVER. If I don't leave nicely, then he will get a lawyer and do it the hard way.
My parents won't help me because of what I have done. I work full-time but just took a lower paying job to be able to be home more with my children. NOW, I am alone. Two children who are being ripped from their home (it was his before we married). I have no extra money. The holidays are coming and I am trying SO hard to be up for them. They have not seen me break-down but they know what's going on.
My guilt is overwhelming. I know that truly I would NEVER betray any love or trust of anyone EVER again. I see what it can do. What it has done.
PLEASE don't be hard on me. I AM trying to keep myself alive. I don't know how I am going to go on without my husband. He tells me he could never trust me. We have nothing in common. He despises me. HE has given me chance after chance to "fix" this and I hadn't.
THEN, when I finally DID end it with this other man, he set out to intentionally destroy my family. I got what I deserved I suppose.
I am frantic and yet, all I want to do is sleep. Forever. I don't care what happens to me. Everyone would be better off without me. He won't even talk to me. He is getting a lawyer to talk to me. I love him. I see ALL that I have lost and now I have NOTHING.
Someone, please help me, with something. There is NO future for me. I have no one. No where to go. My own mother won't let me stay with her now. If anyone could see deep inside my heart, they would see that my intentions were sincere. I can't bear this guilt. What I did.
I had the perfect life. Now it is done, being ripped to shreds. Because of me. ALL because of me. I don't know what to do next. I am crying as I type this. I haven't cried YET!!! I've lost the man of my dreams. The one who took care of me.
I feel like an outsider now when I hear anyone talk about families and inlaws and husbands. I WANT THAT BACK. But it is gone forever. I am a changed person. I've learned but I have lost it all in doing so.

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Honestly dont be so hard on yourself. Think about what you told us, your H wasn't exactly a saint either he had an affair and no matter how "brief" it still doesn't excuse his behavior either or make it less painful to you. Something made you unhappy in your marriage to make you decide to make your choices that you did and there is nothing to beat yourself up over. It seems you gave him a second chance to rectify his mistake, and it seems he can't extend that courtesey, but that is not your fault he can't look into his own past to see that he should do the same. You cannot change his feelings and they are not yours to own and make you feel down on yourself.
As for your mother, why isn't she cruxifing him for his affair? Your mother should not judge you, as a parent I know that I love my children uncondtionally and it is a shame she does not. As a human we all make mistakes. It seems your life wasn't as perfect as you thought and sometimes a huge nudge in a different direction might help you to see that maybe life was telling you that you needed a change. Why do you feel you had chances to "fix" this? What do you mean? A marriage is a partnership and if it turns into anything different then it is time to move on. I how painful that first step is, as I was married for 14 yrs and I still have huge obstacles to overcome since the divorce. YOur future is your children and there many options to help you finicially and emotionally. If you live in the states, go to your local social services and sign up for everything they offer. I did just that because just like you I have nothing, and they even helped me with housing, food, medical and counceling. I hope u can get the help that you need and please for your children, don't be afraid to take the help you can get. Not to be offending but your children come before anyone else including your H.
Blessings. Don't give up hope!!!!!!!!
Bridget
I am not any better. I called for an appt. for a counselor and I can't get in until the first week of December. I'm crying all the time.
My husband took his things and told me that the lawyers will settle this, and he doesn't want to see me or talk to me until then. One day last week we actually talked and he almost sounded like he was going to give this one more chance, but when I came home from work, he was gone. And his things.
He said he wasn't going to ever believe in me again, (since I DID return to my affair partner and had told him it was over). I can't blame him, but I KNOW what I did wrong. I understand the depth of this hurt and destruction. But I can be a faithful wife. HE just doesn't believe in me anymore. And I am empty.
I spent Thanksgiving alone. I couldn't eat anything. I haven't eaten much of anything for 2 weeks. I don't have any friends, ALL are married with small children with busy lives.
What REALLY hurts too is that my husband said that if he did ever come back he would look like the biggest fool in the world and not much of a man. I told him it doesn't matter what ANYONE thinks. It's OUR life that is on the line.
I am alone all weekend. Kids are with their dad. My husband is out. Somewhere. Doing God knows what. Talking about this situation and probably being supported on his decision to leave me. I'm sure that he will find someone to "ease the pain". I am heartbroken. I can't shake this.
I did start on an anti-depressant but I haven't felt the effect. If it's working, I DON'T want to know how I would feel without it. I'd be dead for sure.
I tried to call my husband but he won't answer. I'm typing this just to keep from pacing back and forth. I'm desperate right now. I will live with this pain forever. It just keeps getting worse.
We all care about you here. We want to see you get help and be okay. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call right now.
Hey there~
I hope that your evening is better than the day was... and just don't think about the what-if's if you didn't get the help of the meds... and yes, if you've not been taking them very long, it's quite likely that you're not getting the full benefit from them.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Dear friend,
of course you are hurt. You are hurt, terribly, and left all alone to feel it.
Don't think he is not feeling it... he is. Otherwise, he would not be so mean. However, you have to go on, and your life is definitely worth of many more chances.
Just remember your children, and the love that ties you all together. As all others are saying, call for help, call all your friends (married or not, they are still your friends!!! call them!!!! they will be happy to help you!!!), and if need be, call help line. CALL CALL CALL. you need the support. you are a strong, smart woman. Ask for what you need. you need help, hope, life. you will get them.
Big Hugs to You. Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
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