don't know what to do.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
don't know what to do.....
4
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:07pm
I need some advice. Guess that's probably why a lot of people come to this great place. Anyway, I have been divorced from my husband since june 2006. He initiated the divorce stating the reason of not being able to communicate. I know now that he has a girlfriend and I honestly believe that that is why he wanted to leave from the beginning. Since she has come into the picture their relationship has been on again off again. My xh is a truck driver so when the relationship is on she comes back to our home town with him on the truck. My xh is home approximately one day a week and sees our two girls who are 15 and 10 about 5 hours a week. Here's the deal...I feel that the girlfriend is a bad influence on our 15 yr old whom we have had to put into counseling because she has performed very poorly over this last summer doing things that are totally out of her character. My xh has tried to "hide" his girlfriend from me by telling our girls not to tell me that she's with him. This is because, I feel anyways, the girlfriend is 20yrs old and my xh is 44yrs old. He is embarrassed and I know that he knows this relationship is wrong. The girlfriend was 19 when she slipped into the picture. What I am having issues with is that the moral standing of this relationship and the influence the girlfriend has had on my 15yr old and the little bits of conversation I know she has had with 15yr old is freaking me out. I need to know if it's selfish on my part by telling my husband that if she is around that the girls can't go with him. My xh is a great father. He has made mistakes but this is a hard time for him too. I still have deep feelings for him, even knowing that our relationship could never be again. I fear that he is stepping into this relationship with this girl and will regret it and by putting the kids on the back burner they will not want to or care to be with their father. I don't know what to do. My stomach turns when I know that the girls will be going where she is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:56pm
hmmmmm......
this is a tough one.
If it was me I would call him on it! Let him know you know about her and that the girls are feeling in the middle of it and it's confusing for them.
Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 2:30pm
He is aware that I know. We talked about her last night on the phone and I went to his house yesterday to confront her and let her know where she stood with my girls. Only that she is my xh girlfriend and past that she has no right to say or do anything out of context to them. I feel like he want his gf out of his life too, but when I ask him why he doesn't just drop her off he says that she has no where to go and that there is something there between them that he can't explain. He says there are times when he just wants to kick her out of his truck. I can't stand the fact that the girls are around her, but I don't want to have to keep them from their dad. I don't want to have to make him choose because that would surely come back to haunt me. I need him to see what kind of a person she really is...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 5:26pm
Oh my gosh, your xh is a truck driver also....my stbx is a truck driver well he was one before he lost his last job (the 5th one this year) and I "think" the woman he is with is about 22 (the law said she sounded about that old when they heard her threats on my voice mail) I was praying that my husband was like out of the state or at least in Northern Georgia --- but oh no, come to find out he is only like 18 miles away and has not called our son or daughter 13 & 17 in six weeks. He is on drugs - I think it is crystal meth...can't be sure though...I'm filing for divorce through publication and I've been really bummed out today because the first ad came on the 31st and it says that he has 60 days from the court order which was the 26th to reply - that means that it will be the court date in January before we are divorced. I have warned my daughter that if she sees her daddy around that the woman he is with will probably only be about 3 or 4 years older than her. He is truly making them hate him....so I'm glad that your children are at least getting to see their dad. My thoughts are with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 8:02pm

I would tell your kids that... you're not going to say anything to their dad about his girly... and if they choose to comment about her or want to talk about it... you're there to listen... and help guide THEM if THEY have things that they want to talk to their dad about regarding her.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~