don't know what to do anymore.
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| Mon, 08-29-2005 - 12:50pm |
Hi,
I am feeling very alone right not and do not know what to do, I will start by telling my story in the shortest form possible.....
I have been married to my husband for 4 years and I have come to realize that his behavoir is alarming and not normal. I was young when we got married and as I have gotten older I have come to this realization.
My husband is 28 years old and has had 8 jobs, the longest lasting one was 2 years. He has been fired from 2, both of which he claims where not his fault and accused of being abusive to an employee in another job.
During our marrige he has had violent outbursts, he has hit me 3 times and threatened my life on several occasions. He though can go months without an outburst and be perfectly nice During the outbursts it is like he shuts down, becomes very cold and unfeeling to the point where I can cry and cry and he doesn't care.
I recently found out that he has been violent with both his mother and father in the past, and he has a very unhealthy relationship with his father. His father and him talk on the phone al least 6 times a day and get into horrible fights, he seems to seek his father's approval on everything.
He is also has taken pain medication for almost 2 years straight for a number of different ailments and now can't seem to go without them.
The main reason I stay is because of our young daughter, I am so worried about him getting even joint custody if I leave him.
The only thing I have is a letter his Dad who is a lawyer wrote to him saying that he was an abusive person and that he was conerned for my daughter's and I saftey. I kept the letter without him knowing, I don't know how much it is worth.
Thank you for reading.
Ella

Even though I've only been seperated for 4wks I will have to say take your daughter and get out. My x was on pain meds too, and I think that's what happened to us. He would be fine only for a couple of days, then he would stay out late and drink and was very moody. I tried for 3yrs to make that marriage work, now there is nothing left and I'm moving on with my life without him. We don't have kids that does make it easier I know, but think about her, how she feels when daddy is mean. It is in both of your alls favor to get out now before it gets worse. Trust me honey, it don't get better, they don't change. I would cry all the time tell him how I missed him, and how lonley I was without him home while he was out partying he didn't care then, he cares now, but you know what I don't.. If you have family that is willing to give you all a place to sleep until you can get on your feet I would go for it. It will be hard, it will hurt, but you can do it. I still cry myself to sleep at night I still wish he would change, but no matter what he says, I know in my heart it will never work and I have to move on while I can. I'm almost 26yrs old still don't have children and now I'm divorced. That sucks, but I'm sure I'll find someone someday that will love me and will want me to have his kids. Until then, I just wait and cry alot, go out with my friends i can do whatever I want for me. That's what you need to do for you and your daughter. Hugs to you, you don't need this, your a woman you deserve to be treated better than that. Stay strong, keep your head up.
Stacy
there's another message board here entitled "recognizing & dealing with domestic abuse." it's listed on this, the "surviving divorce" page. please scroll through it.
you need help to deal with this to get out of this situation immediately! immediately! never, never put up with anything yourself that you would NOT allow him to do to his daughter. you would never allow him to lay a hand on her right? well, you are every bit as important as she is. getting out of this situation as fast as you can is to do the right thing for your daughter -- staying is not!
you need a counsellor to help you get through this and point you in the right direction. make these calls tomorrow!!
please.
good luck.