I know exactly how you feel. My husband of 15 years just told me that he didn't love me anymore and had felt that way for about a year. We have always had great sex and it was no different over the last year, in fact last month was the best it had been in a long time, maybe ever. Who knows what they are thinking. It is so weird. Maybe men really can separate themselves from sex, I don't know.
I also know exactly how you feel about where did your husband go? I feel the exact same way. The way my husband is acting and the mean things he is saying to me are not like him at all, and it's not like I don't know him, we've been married 15 years! I am just so confused too, so I sympathize.
My husband moved in with his gay brother and roommate, so my children don't stay over there. When he does watch them, which is only twice in the last month, he comes to my house. We have four children and I think the thought of him taking them all alone is overwhelming for him, it's not like he's that involved to begin with. Maybe having the two year old by himself overnight intimidates your husband, or interferes with his new single life.
As far as counseling goes, my husband is going but I think it is just so he can say that he tried when he talks to friends, family and even the judge eventually, because when we are there his only answer is "I don't know", no matter what the counselor asks. I told my husband I wouldn't give up without trying, so maybe he's only going so that I'll give in to a divorce, who knows? My husband also said the, "I think we are just delaying the inevitable," thing too.
Maybe your husband is depressed. I know mine is. Our therapist and doctor have tried to get him to take anti-depressants, but he is in denial. The counselor said that nothing will get better until he can make decisions in his right mind, so maybe that is true for yours too.
I know that I feel like I am just spinning and barely keeping my head above water. I bet you are going through the same thing. Good luck finding moments of sanity where you can grab them, that's all that will get us through.
I feel for you both...My husband of almost 25 yrs told me Saturday that he doesn't want to be married anymore. What a great labor day weekend. but He see's us being great friends...... I have no Idea what is going on.
After two weeks of living in this nightmare and having him come home at 1:30-2:00 in the morning every night I have finally hit bottom. I asked him a few times when he was moving out and he said he did not know Now, he told me the soonest was November 7th! That is two months away. He was the one who told me he wanted a divorce, he told me he was leaving, he was the one who told me he did not love me any more, he was the one who said he was done with me, he was the one who said he was unhappy the majority of our marriage. He made it sound so awful you think he would be running out the door! After freaking out about having him on my couch for the next two months, I told him he had to be out by Friday, September 12th. Then he said
I tend to believe when someone wants to "quit" the marriage and the family it's because of something else. Another person, an addiction, depression, etc.
I just don't understand, without these things, how someone can just choose to quit. I don't get to quit, probably because I don't have these type of 3rd party or outside influence things going on. And frankly, at least in my situation, it pisses me off.
The whole solo parenting thing sure makes me wish I could quit some days. I'm left with 100% of the childcare responsibility, 100% of the financial burden & worry, 100% of the household upkeep (and problems), while he's doing his thing, living in a new apartment, eating out, taking care of just himself. And the longer my situation goes on, the more I think he's a pathetic, spineless, weak man. Hopefully one day I'll be happy he "quit" me and the children, but for now I can only be angry and unforegiving and recognize that if he was addicted to alcohol (or in others cases another woman or depressed) and it is what it is at this point.
You're probably on to something with the depression. I sure hope, for your sake and the sake of the children, he'll wake up and choose to deal with it. It's not going to go away for him just because he quits the marriage & family, KWIM? And it would be sad for him to sacrifice his family, only to figure out later that he's still not happy being alone. Big hugs! Hang in there.
That sounds a little like my 1st DH.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband of 15 years just told me that he didn't love me anymore and had felt that way for about a year. We have always had great sex and it was no different over the last year, in fact last month was the best it had been in a long time, maybe ever. Who knows what they are thinking. It is so weird. Maybe men really can separate themselves from sex, I don't know.
I also know exactly how you feel about where did your husband go? I feel the exact same way. The way my husband is acting and the mean things he is saying to me are not like him at all, and it's not like I don't know him, we've been married 15 years! I am just so confused too, so I sympathize.
My husband moved in with his gay brother and roommate, so my children don't stay over there. When he does watch them, which is only twice in the last month, he comes to my house. We have four children and I think the thought of him taking them all alone is overwhelming for him, it's not like he's that involved to begin with. Maybe having the two year old by himself overnight intimidates your husband, or interferes with his new single life.
As far as counseling goes, my husband is going but I think it is just so he can say that he tried when he talks to friends, family and even the judge eventually, because when we are there his only answer is "I don't know", no matter what the counselor asks. I told my husband I wouldn't give up without trying, so maybe he's only going so that I'll give in to a divorce, who knows? My husband also said the, "I think we are just delaying the inevitable," thing too.
Maybe your husband is depressed. I know mine is. Our therapist and doctor have tried to get him to take anti-depressants, but he is in denial. The counselor said that nothing will get better until he can make decisions in his right mind, so maybe that is true for yours too.
I know that I feel like I am just spinning and barely keeping my head above water. I bet you are going through the same thing. Good luck finding moments of sanity where you can grab them, that's all that will get us through.
I feel for you both...My husband of almost 25 yrs told me Saturday that he doesn't want to be married anymore. What a great labor day weekend. but He see's us being great friends...... I have no Idea what is going on.
You wrote:
I tend to believe when someone wants to "quit" the marriage and the family it's because of something else. Another person, an addiction, depression, etc.
I just don't understand, without these things, how someone can just choose to quit. I don't get to quit, probably because I don't have these type of 3rd party or outside influence things going on. And frankly, at least in my situation, it pisses me off.
The whole solo parenting thing sure makes me wish I could quit some days. I'm left with 100% of the childcare responsibility, 100% of the financial burden & worry, 100% of the household upkeep (and problems), while he's doing his thing, living in a new apartment, eating out, taking care of just himself. And the longer my situation goes on, the more I think he's a pathetic, spineless, weak man. Hopefully one day I'll be happy he "quit" me and the children, but for now I can only be angry and unforegiving and recognize that if he was addicted to alcohol (or in others cases another woman or depressed) and it is what it is at this point.
You're probably on to something with the depression. I sure hope, for your sake and the sake of the children, he'll wake up and choose to deal with it. It's not going to go away for him just because he quits the marriage & family, KWIM? And it would be sad for him to sacrifice his family, only to figure out later that he's still not happy being alone. Big hugs! Hang in there.