Don't know what to think anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Don't know what to think anymore
1
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 9:37pm

Recently divorced after 19 difficult years. Difficult in that he is bipolar, alcoholic, control freak. Never hit me and we actually had some good times. My family is not that into him only in that after all these years, they still feel they barely know him. He has not spoken to my mother in at least a year and a half, and she was always quite loyal to him

He moved out in Feb. We agreed to divorce the previous Nov., but I asked him to move out after I continued to find that he had been on dating and girlie websites while we were trying to "work it out". He also left because he found a new "family" in AA and joined a band and they "understood" him, music was his life's dream, etc (BTW...he's 52!).

He agreed to a decent amount of child support and to help pay for the mortgage until the house is sold. I got the kids, but he sees them pretty frequently. Recently, he told me that the real reason he wanted to get divorced was because I had let myself go and that I was never really his type, he thought he "should" marry someone like me, etc.

However, now he is HERE all the time. He is not giving me support because he has had health problems and hasn't been able to work. That doesn't, however, stop him from playing gigs with his stupid band, of which all money made goes back to the band. But he is eating my food, watching my cable, washing his clothes with the water I pay for, still driving the car that is in my name and whose bill I am still paying to keep my credit, as well as the insurance, both car and health that I provide. All in the name of "being there" for the kids...who are either out or on the computer when he is here.

Why am I having so hard a time giving him the shove? I wasn't good enough to be married to, not attractive enough, but I am good enough to provide food, insurance, a car and a shoulder to cry on when he is scared about his health. Help me get this guy off my back! I am trying to be nice for the sake of the kids, but how can I be divorced if he won't go away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 12:55pm

You are legally divorced, yes? There is a custody agreement that requires him to pay cs, yes? Are his other commiments (mortgage) in writing?

If so, I think, legally, you could have him removed.

Does he have his own place?

Then he sees the kids there.

Why is he driving *your* car?

Ok, those questions aside, let me tell you I am almost in a similar place. We have just started the separation, but he junk is still here and he is coming to see the kids here and he doesn't have a car ... uses "flex car."

I think I am going to have a very hard time getting rid of him because if his choices and actions. Btw, *he* wanted the divorce.

So, honestly, I don't have good advice; just a HUG and "me too."

Let us know what you figure out; hope others here might be able to help!

M