Don't want to be angry anymore
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| Wed, 08-06-2008 - 4:46pm |
My STBX and I took our little man to McD's for lunch yesterday so that we could both spend some time with him. The whole time, he talked about how this fall semester he needs all this time to read to study for his comps so that he can start his Doctoral thesis. All the while I'm thinking...."Hello, I'm taking 13 hours, working, trying to find a 2nd job, and taking care of little man, what the hell do you want me to do?" I guess he thinks that school for me only consists of going to class...no homework or studying.
Then he proceeds to tell me that I really need to find a 2nd job. Duh....I work part-time and live on my own. This is a no brainer. I have been applying for jobs left and right, but that's all I can do is apply. I can't make someone hire me. (if that were true, I'd have the 1st job that I applied for). He just acts like I'm just sitting on my butt not doing anything.
When we talk, it's always how he needs time to do this and time to do that or how I need to look for a job. He always wants me to take the day off or leave work early so that he can finish some paper or read or what ever. I finally told him that I'm done living my life for him. I told him that I can't keep taking off time from the only job I've got or I'll get fired. He threw a big hissy and then acted like I never do him any favors. I also told him that if it's his turn to have our son and he needs to do something, then he needs to find a babysitter....not me. Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but I need to start having my own life.
He thinks that I just don't have anything to do b/c I never did when we were together, but then tells me that I need to go out and make some friends. How can I if I'm either at work, applying for jobs or have kiddo? I just want to stop being angry!!!!!
I don't want to be angry at him or the girl he is seeing. BTW, I saw her today when I dropped kiddo off and thought I was done being angry, but when I saw her, the first thing I wanted to do was claw her eyeballs out!!!!! Pretty sad, huh?
This being angry is getting exhausting and I don't like the fact that they have that kind of power over me. When I'm not around him, I'm fine. But as soon as he opens his mouth, I just want to HIT IT!!!! He is just so stinkin' selfish, that literally when he speaks, I don't really hear what he is saying.....all I hear is "Me me me me me me me me, You?, no me."
I'm just tired of it....tired of being angry, but every time he talks to me I just start seething. How can I stop being so angry?

CD,
Hi. Glad you found us here. I'm sure you'll find lots of support and good advice.
Here's some things
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
It is definitely hard to be the custodial parent.