Dont want to jump to conclusions
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| Wed, 10-05-2005 - 3:27pm |
Okay,
As you guys all know, my ex took me to court for joint custody of our son. It was pretty much a waste. We didnt go before a judge it was like a pre-judge to see if we could come to an agreement on our own. To make a long story short, he recommended we sit with a mediator to try to make a schedule. Fine. So I took it upon myself to try to get ideas from him on what type of schedule he would like. I first said did you want every weekend or every other weekend? So he was like every other weekend he guesses, then he says well probably on Sundays. Im like what? So from alot of arguing then discussing, I find out a few things:
First he still doesnt want to be on a schedule. Secondly, he's saying that things where he lives with his grandmother are really going bad and he's looking to move out into a room or trying to find a studio apt. He aparently spends Fridays with his twin girl, Saturday with his gf and and left Sunday for our son. Im like you cant mean to tell me that you can never get him on a Saturday? He's like for the time being he cant. Im like why not what is the problem. He's like they stay out to very late on Saturdays. Im like wait a second, she cant understand that on some Saturdays, you guys have to cut your evening a little short because you have your son. How can she be so not understanding to that. He says its not her, its his decision. So meanwhile I guess I should never have a life to be able to have a Saturday evening out because of this crap. I should have to wait until he finds a room to rent or an apt. when he's had months and months of his weekends free.
He did take him for the day on Sunday but I cant have a night out on a Sunday when the next day is back to work. That isnt fair. So today he got a piece of mail at my house, I called him to inform him of it and he said he would get it the next time he saw the baby, I asked when will that be and he said probably on Sunday. I said probably? He said he doesnt want to tell me yes for sure until he's sure. I just said dont wait to the last minute and hung up b/c if I would have stayed on longer it would have been an argument. Tell me what the heck is wrong with this freaking picture.
A few minutes ago I called him and asked him can he sometimes take the baby on a saturday and bring him back like 8 - 9p.m. He sounded preoccupied and said he would call me back. Im dying to hear what he says. If he says no, Im then going to suggest a friday night and if he brings up the twins Im gonna say cant you for this time get them on sunday instead. Im not playing with him. This is crazy.
Meanwhile he wants me to contact c.s. because it seems they may have not been crediting his arrears in c.s. with the extra money they were taking out of his unemployment check and have told him he has to come up with all the arrears in two weeks or else they will take his tax return or suspend his license and freeze any assets he has. So naturally he wants me to straighten it all out. He showed me all the calculations and how he arrived at this conclusion. Seems like they were taking double the percentage out of the unemployment check which I thought they were doing because of the arrears, but the amount of the arrears hasnt gone down from the summer and by now he should be almost caught up. So if I cant get them on the phone he wants me to take time out of my schedule to go down there to "clear" this up. Says if I dont then he will have to file another petition for them to look into it.
Now you tell me, I should go out of my way to help him and it seems he doesnt even want to take advantage of spending as much time with his son as possible after accusing me of keeping the baby from him. Or more importantly it sounds to me like he's putting this damn gf before the baby.
Please help

I wouldn't straighten the cs thing out for him even if he was taking your son every Friday and Saturday.
Girl I agree with you. At first I was considering it because ofcourse he had this sob story about how he owes money for his student loan in jamaica and his uncle's house was used for collateral or whatever and now he's way delinquent on the loan (this is true) but supposedly they have his uncle in court and are threatening to put him in jail if there isnt a significant sum of money sent to them by January. Who knows if this is all true but you know what, my ex is still the nasthy s.o.b. he's always been. We had 4 days of nice,a couple of huggs during the few times we say each other and the real ex has shown up yesterday. So its not my problem. I dont work for c.s. If they screwed up something then he needs to write them, so proof to support his claim and they will look into it. I really think he's trying to be slick in trying to get me to cancel the arrears or he says to write to them telling them to credit the extra amount they were taking out of the unemployment. Why should I be so inclined to do something for him when he clearly cant do a damn thing for me.
I asked him if he could get the baby on sat. and bring him back like 8-9p.m he tells me 6-7pm, knowing that's not what I asked for.
Oh. He didnt want to talk to me yesterday about my issue and trying to get a definite plan for the weekend because it was "upsetting" his gf that we were on the phone so long. WHAT! He actually had the audacity to tell me this. "She" doesnt see why we have to have extended conversations. He just wants to deal with one thing at a time which is always his issues and to hell with mine. I ended hanging up on him.
Since then he's left me two messages last night still complaining about the c.s. issue and how I have to fix it and now Im fed up. I told him I would look into it but now im not doing a thing.
If he wants joint custody... then that means joint time..... FAIR time... and not just what he can fit it into his schedule.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Let him handle the CS people. I hope you don't lift a finger. You already do all his work for his child.
Divorce comes with some natural consequences. You are suffering some. He needs to suffer his.