Drugs during visitation!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Drugs during visitation!
2
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 3:19pm

I'm going to post this here too, I've also posted on Divorce and Custody. Please help me out if you can! Thanks.

All,

Not sure if you all know much about my history, but I have 2 very young daughters with my ex. His is on probation for the next 2 years for a domestic battery conviction. The night he got arrested for abusing me, he tested positive for pot. I knew he had a history of this before we met, but I truly believed him when he said he didn't do it anymore. Come to find out, he never did quit. He was still using during our marriage, I was just too naive to know (i've never been around it or even smelled it). So, our divorce decree specifically states that neither of us are to use illegal drugs during our time with the girls (that's in our civil divorce case). Then he is also ordered through the criminal case (domestic batter) not to do drugs as part of his probation. Well, apparently he does not understand that the law DOES apply to him. He has been testing positive off and on the last several months, but since pot stays in the system for a month or more I never knew if he was doing it while he had the girls. That is, until now. Two weeks ago he tested postive so the D.A. revoked his probation. Last Friday he picked up our girls for the weekend at 8:00 a.m., then went directly to the court house to do his weekly drug test. Then he had the girls all weekend and he got arrested for the revocation Sunday right after he returned the girls to me (I made sure they didn't do anything in front of the girls). Here's the deal. Friday's drug test came back clean and Sunday's test came back HIGH POSITIVE. That means 1 of 2 things (ok, or both). He either got stoned while he had my girls with him over the weekend or he has been cheating on the tests on Friday's (since he knows when they are) but flunked the surprise test. On top of this, he's got the girls all this week as his week long visitation for June. I've talked to my attorney, but his first suggestion is to send ex a warning letter letting him know I know this information and that if it happens again we will be going back to court to request suprervised visitation. BUT, what about protecting my girls now? How many "2nd chances" does he get? He (ex) just cried to me last week that he has cleaned himself up and not to take his girls away from him. Yet the following weekend he gets stoned during his visitation with them? I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do??????? How bad is pot? Should I be as worried and angry as I am? For the last year and half I've done nothing but tell the D.A. that I don't want to see ex sitting in jail, I would rather see him get help for his issues (anger management, drug counseling, etc.) but right now I feel like I don't care anymore if he sits in jail. I don't want to be that way, I truly want to see him get better. I've even begged him to stop, offered to find him help, etc. and then he does this!

Any advice?????

thanks so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 12:02am

Well, I know this probably sounds bad, but if you never knew that he was using.... he probably doesn't get "zoned" totally out... so maybe he's not using too much at once.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 3:34pm
First of all..."you" won't be the one who takes his girls away from him... HIS OWN BEHAVIOR WILL DO THAT!! He has known all along that he is going to be tested for drugs... and that it could mean he loses his rights to visitation... still, he takes the drugs anyway. He is choosing drugs over his children! Remind your lawyer that ex has already been warned... by the court... and has repeatedly broken his probation (each time with a further warning)... he isn't learning anything from those warnings so a written one now is a waste of time. Your daughters don't have the luxury of waiting for daddy to grow up and chances are good that they will mature way before he ever will.