effect on 2 yr old? Stay for her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
effect on 2 yr old? Stay for her?
2
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:15am
Hi-I am in a very unhappy marriage. I rebounded to this marriage from another marriage (I know, very dumb) but now I have a 2yr old that is very attached to her daddy. Is she young enough that this will not scar her? My parents split when I ws 10 and it was very hard. Where do I start? Im a stay home mom but how does it work when your not working and who leaves? If I go to my moms which I know I can, do I file for seperation first? How is Child support determined and what is Alimony? Will he have to subsidize our living in an apartment? I am a college educated person and not afraid of going back to work but how do I get to that point with a 2 yr old. He is still trying, I have made up my mind. Joint custody is fine with me, I hope he doesnt get angry and try to fight me for her. That I just dont think I can take. Can someone please give me some advice.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:40am

My best advice is to get to a lawyer for a consultation. Most lawyers give you an interview for free. You could have the majority of your questions answered there.

As for the effect on your daughter, there are no answers or guarantees. The question may boil down to what is worse: learning to live without her dad in the same house or growing up in the midst of an unhappy marriage? There are negative effects either way.

Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I was there not that long ago. Dealing with that fear and the battle of whether I should stay and die inside or leave and hurt my kids. It's not an easy decision. For me, my kids have adapted extremely well, but not all kids are the same. I think the key is that you will be strong enough and ready to deal with the fallout of the change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 2:45pm

I agree you need to find a good attorney to answer most of your questions. DO NOT move out of your house unless your attorney says it's okay. While you're both living in the same house he has to continue paying as usual. If you can pocket away some money NOT in a saving account, but maybe open up a safety deposit box NOT in your name to put some money away. You probaly won't be forced to go back to work since you have a 2 year old. Possibly when she starts pre-school something part time. It is very scary but not impossible.

BTW, your daughter will be fine, kids always are. Just make sure she has a loving relationship with her dad. Maintain a good relationship with him so it helps your daughter and their relationship. Try to include him in her life as much as possible. Don't speak badly about him anywhere near her.

Happy parents make better parents. If you stay in an unhappy marriage for your daughter you are doing a diservice to her and yourself and your husband. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Good luck. I'm am going through the same thing so if you need to talk there are lots of us who can help and understand if you want to just vent.