Emotional Div? Years of Decision? OKBad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Emotional Div? Years of Decision? OKBad?
20
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 5:30pm

Can anyone tell me ---
are there any definitive signs of when someone's emotionally divorced - like DONE WITH IT?

Also -
how many years did it take you from really thinking about DIV. to the final call?

Also -
I've been advised not to do it til it is REALLY REALLY bad - would you agree?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2008
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 1:32am

I just left an 18 year marriage... should have done it sooner but did not because of the arguments that I have just read in the earlier posts ("he didn't hit me; how bad could it be?")

Well.... he was verbally abusive for the rest of the marriage. He never hit me, or was otherwise physically abusive, as he (and everyone else) pointed out to me.

Then, when I told him I was leaving, he became physically abusive (hit me several times) and raped me.

Don't wait.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 12:16pm

Only YOU know how much is "really really bad" and where you are, and I think it's different for everyone.


Personally... I thought about what my life would be like on my own for the better partof 10 years of my 13 year marriage.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2008
Tue, 11-04-2008 - 8:41pm

To start let me say thank you I am so glad I found this msg board. It really made me realize Im not alone in my situation.


My husband and I met at work. I was 18 (just turned and had a 6 month old son) He was soon to turn 18. I had ALOT of emotional abuse at home. My mother is Bi Polar. I had suffered through sexual abuse from the age of 4 untill I was 13 She was aware of it. Admits she knew of it. yet during my teen years she had told me i was just a little whore and deserved it. Now she tells me she grew up poor and where he had money she got used to a life style that only he could provide due to his income level. So thats why even though she knew and I told her she decided it was better to stay and let the abuse continue. When I turned 13 he threw us out. Ive always wondered if I wasnt to old for him when I reached that age.

~K

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Anonymous

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 9:29am

I have lots of hugs to offer you. Sounds like you've been to hell and back. I really admire your drive to get yourself out of that situation facing those odds. Keep believing in yourself. When you doubt yourself look how much you've accomplished facing terrible odds. You got your GED, you went to technical school. You've kept your desire to be independent. Come here as much as you like for support, but please also try to find some local support. Maybe a divorce support group, abusive spouse support group, friends, etc. You need someone you can call at 3 am when the pressure is on and you're feeling hopeless. Try to stay strong, but find that person/group who will help you through those times of weakness. I can tell you have a really strong character to weather through all this adversity, make sure to give yourself credit for that.

Also, you might want to start your own discussion. Your post was a response to someone else's discussion and people may not see it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2008
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 10:59am

Thanks. It felt really good to get all that out. I think I will repost it so others can see it, I wonder how many ppl go through stuff and are ashamed to get it out.


:)


~Kim

~K


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Anonymous

~K

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Anonymous

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 1:30pm
It's very healthy to get it out. I think people go through lots of things they are ashamed of all the time. They have to first admit it to themselves before they tell others. Let's face it, divorce isn't exactly great for the ego! It sounds like you've really faced the problems head on!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 9:31am

I wanted to say thank you. I found a support group for emotional abuse that uses a 12 step program on the internet. Then when I have a car agian Im going to follow through with

~K

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Anonymous

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 9:54am

I love your quote in your siggy.... "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Anonymous "


Hugs to ya!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 1:40pm
So happy to hear it! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 11:25am

Hearing this story makes me feel silly for thinking I even have problems.

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