Emotional Limbo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Emotional Limbo
3
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 8:36pm

Okay, so all of you know that I told my ex how I still felt about him. I went to pick up our dd this afternoon, and I really didn’t know what to expect. I mean, he was very nice, but it just seems like there should be more now. Is this just a ploy to keep me in some emotional limbo? I mean, should we start trying to work it out or is this just a way to keep me hanging on? He said that he saw hope for us, but now what? Is this just a way for me to be emotionally hanging on to him, and him just keeping me around in case nothing else comes along?

I don’t know….I’m really sorry to bombard you all with this, but it’s just so dang confusing all of the time. Being able to get some perspective from outside parties really does help.

So, should I ask him if this is some type of limbo period or what? I feel that if there is hope, then we should start trying to work it out, considering that he said that he agreed…but when, how?

Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: kaitlyn02
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 8:48pm
Counseling is your best bet. But past that, ask him if you can have some time for the two of you. Perhaps you could plan a date. You don't want to always be discussing the relationship, and I'm guessing the discussion you just had took a lot of energy out of you both and he might need some time to digest it all. Maybe a good place to start would be spending some time together without the any pressure. You are in limbo, because it's going to take time to know if this has a chance at working it out. Don't push to much for an answer right now, let things take their own course a emotionally, and do see if he is willing to go to counseling and spend time with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
In reply to: kaitlyn02
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 10:13pm

Hi Kait,

I respectfully disagree with First on this one. Sounds like your H is what we call
a "cake-eater." He has the best of all possible worlds, stringing you along while he has the OW. He is accountable to no one and has it great - I believe most cheaters will do this as long as the betrayed spouse let's them - after all - he can have both women and not do anything - oh and their are a lot of women like this too - I don't want to be discriminatory.

Until you do what some of us say - push him off the fence (they call them fencesitters too), he will play you like a violin and eventually you will have no self esteem left.

Please beware of cake-eaters!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: kaitlyn02
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 11:25pm

I didn't realize there was a current OW, but I did go back after reading your post and see some previous posts that talk about that.

To kaitlyn02: Your post earlier today and your previous one describe to completely different men. If he's serious about working this out with you, he can't be involved with anyone else. You also recently described him being volatile and not a good caretake for dd, so think long and hard on whether you want him back or you if you are just afraid of starting over without him. It's normal to be sad and want to resist the divorce, but you need to look out for you and your dd's best interests first. Is being with him, the person he is today really the best answer for the two of you? Also, counseling is so important if you do decide to try and make this relationship work. He's got some work to do in order to rebuild trust, and he shouldn't get an automatic do-over just because you are willing to give it to him. He needs to understand why he chose to cheat and what he would do next time if the pressure gets bad again. If his solution when the going gets tough is that he gets going, then he's not someone you can depend on at all for anything.

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