Empty Victory
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| Thu, 09-01-2005 - 4:28pm |
Today I went to Family Court for my child support hearing. STBX and I sat there for over three hours waiting for our case to be called. Although we usually don't speak very much, we sat together and were even civil to eachother. When they finally called us in, STBX hadn't brought all of the financial information that the court requested. All that he had was his paystub and a W-2, but the judge was able to do the calculations anyway and ordered that STBX pay me twice what he has been giving me. I was satisfied with the amount that I was awarded, but a little disappointed because I was hoping that the judge would find out about the extravagent lifestyle that he has been leading and scold him. I always felt like STBX was getting over on me and wanted the judge to humble him. But I realize now that that is not my job anymore. I can't change STBX, or expect the court to change him. I can just get the correct entitlement for my kids and walk away. I just thought that I would be a little happier.
After the hearing, STBX commented that I shouldn't be frowning since I got more money. Despite not having to struggle anymore and being able to provide more for my kids, I felt really sad. An attorney advised me to file for the child support order first so that when I file for divorce, the proceeding would go more quickly. Now that I'm so much closer to filing for divorce, I feel scared. It's not that STBX is such a wonderful person, and I honestly could not see myself living with him again. It's just hard to see the marriage starting to officially break down. It's been dead for a while now, but going through the child support and divorce cases is sort of like going to the wake and the funeral. I didn't think that I was still mourning, but I guess I am. I came back to my office this afternoon and cried on the phone to my mom. She told me that although she was sad that things turned out for me the way they did, the past was the past and I should not look back but keep moving forward. She also advised me to go shopping and buy the kids whatever they wanted - something that I haven't been able to do since STBX and I separated two years ago. I've gone through a lot of hard times and pain since then and didn't think that I would ever get over the end of my marriage - but I did. I know that this sadness will soon pass as well and I will truly appreciate the extra money. But for today, being awarded the support sure seemed to have a high price.
Lisa

Hi Lisa!
From one who has been divorced twice, Pianoguy knows how you're feeling right now.
The first divorce, which occurred after almost 16 years of marriage, was a lot more difficult than the 2nd. . The boys were given the choice of which parent to live with...and son #1 stayed with me. I also paid child support for son #2. When there were issues concerning either of our children, we talked about 'em!
However...our (then current) lifestyles remained CLOSED!
While you might harbor a few sad thoughts...and perhaps a little bitterness connected with your EX-HUSBAND'S ACTIVITIES...the concentration has to be trying find a happier lifestyle for yourself, as well as for your children! And believe me...this isn't an easy task!
If you have friends who understand your situation who can support you (and not constantly BASH your former husband)...accept their encouragement. As you indicated, the 'emotional sadness' will eventually pass.
Just try to remember that you've begun an entirely new chapter of your life...and revisiting the "older one" won't get you much of anything, with the possibility of unhappiness?
Best wishes and warm thoughts,
Pianoguy