Epic Intro Post

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
Epic Intro Post
3
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 1:56am

I wanted to introduce myself and tell my story. I'm 32 w/ 3 kids. In October, I packed some clothes into a suitcase and left my stbxh and my kids to start my life over. Now since I've been bashed about leaving my kids before, I only left them because a) they were in the start of the school year and I didn't want to disrupt their lives anymore than I had to and b) I knew that I could not afford a place big enough for them that wasn't in a bad neighborhood. Anyway, I've been rebuilding my life, slowly but surely. I got a great new job that I just met my probation on (yeah!) and I stumbled into a fantastic relationship with a man who makes my heart flutter. I spend every weekend with my kids, and really have hopes to get at the very least joint custody, if not full custody of them. However, there are glitches in my life that I was not prepared for...

My reasoning for leaving my husband was that we just didn't get along. I know that sounds petty, but honestly, we were like fire & gasoline. We met over 8 years ago on the internet and our first "meeting" was a weekend that he flew to see me. I was young, with a 2 month old baby, and quickly latched onto him, moving into his apartment within a month of meeting him. Very shortly after, I was pregnant with my 2nd child. When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd, I kind of forced him to marry me, as I wasn't going to have another child as an unwed mother. Fast forward to about two years ago, when I started finding history trails on the computer pointing to dating and looking for sex sites. He of course denied looking at them. I eventually found out thru looking at his phone bill and gaining access to his email accounts that he was, at the very least, having an emotional affair with someone else. I suspect that it was phyiscal as well, but could never prove it. I really tried to hold our marriage together after that. I went as far as joining a swingers group just to please him. I was miserable and gained nearly 100 pounds. Last summer, we bought a house together and as we were moving in, I found out new things that made me begin to consider leaving. He also started getting violent towards me as the summer progressed. I ended up moving 2 months before I was supposed to because I couldn't live with him yelling and throwing fits of rage anymore.

Now, I find myself getting angry, irratated and petty with him on a daily basis. I get angry when I find out he might be seeing someone. I get petty and mean with him about who he might be seeing. I find myself doing everyhing in my power to mess with him. I try to push him to where he turns into a complete arse, so that I can be mean to him without feeling as guilty. I don't know why I act this way. I really really need to start venting to a blog or something instead of picking a fight. I need some help with why I feel this way and what can I do to keep myself from being such a royal bitch. Has anyone else been thru this?

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 10:34am

Hi...

Welcome to the board. I hope that you find what I found here, that this board is full of support and information.

Divorce is certainly one of those rollar coasters in life, where you will experience things that you had truly not planned for--simply because there was no way for you to do so. The emotions you will feel are crazy... some days you'll feel over the moon, other days you'll cry more than you don't... some days you'll be mad enough to spit nails, other days you could truly care less... its all part of the process.

Have you filed for divorce, or is there a separation time that is mandatory before filing in your state? I'm sorry, but is a bit unfair of you to go out and find someone who makes your heart flutter, while at the same time being angry at the idea that he may have found someone else. Part of the divorce process is letting go... and I strongly encourage you to take the high ground when dealing with your stbx--don't give him things he can use against you in the proceedings. I would try to limit your discussions with stbx to a few things--your children being number one and most important, then the divorce and things related to that, and joint financial matters--you know, the things you really ~have~ to talk about...

Have you considered counseling to help you sort through some of these emotions that you are struggling with right now? I'm not saying that they are anything but normal--but counseling or journaling can be of great benefit at times like these.

Good Luck!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 11:43am
Thanks for your response. Yes, I know its wrong for me to be like that. I don't know why I don't want to see him happy. Some days I'm fine with it and others, I just want him to be as miserable as he made me. It drives me crazy. We have no wait time in our state, but he's been uncooperative with the divorce thus far. He was holding out for the chance of us getting back together, but I think he's beginning to realize that its never gonna happen. And yes, this is like a rollar coaster. And I can't wait to get off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 11:26pm
I am in the same boat, I guess it is a matter of you dont want him but dont want anyone else to have him either. That is my problem anyway. No I really dont want him back but it is really hard to turn your back on it even when it has been bad . Good luck stick to your guns and things will work out