Epiphany
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Epiphany
| Wed, 05-31-2006 - 8:40pm |
I know that I haven't posted on here before to much, but I have been reading a lot of the post. I truly believe in all the support that all of you give each other on this site.
It has been over a year since my STBX and I split up and there were many a nights that I cried myself to sleep, and wondered why this was happening to me? Was there truly a way to save what we had in our Marriage? I had wrapped my life up in this man and I had build my world around him, rather he saw that or not. And here he was telling me that he no longer wanted to be with me or our family that we had together. It felt like a sucker punch that came from out of no where. I asked him if he was still in love with me and he said that he didn't know. Trying to deal with the pain and trying to save my marriage was something that I would never want to relive again. Was it worth trying to save? I thought it was at the time. Hind sight always being 20/20 I see now that even though we are still fighting over the kids, that leaving and making my own way in life has been the best thing for me. It brought me in touch with who I was again. Someone that I thought that I lost along the way.
I was driving back from the long weekend with my kids listening to some music while they slept, and I had my moment of clarity. That for once in my life things where going to be ok, and that what I was doing may hurt me still, but it was for the best. In the long run I was going to be a better and stronger person because of all of the pain that I have gone through over this. There is a light at the end of my tunnel. Maybe it doesn't come in the form of money or winning any fight that we might get into. It's knowing that tomorrow is another day for me, another day for me to find the little moments in life that are worth living for, like my kids. I see it all from the point of view that if I let the little things about my STBX stress me out or get me down in anyway then he has won. And Damnit he isn't going to win anymore. I am stronger than I thought I was, and I am learing that with every door that closes to me that another one opens.
I hope that all of you have the same luck in finding yourself and the little moments that makes everything worth it.
It has been over a year since my STBX and I split up and there were many a nights that I cried myself to sleep, and wondered why this was happening to me? Was there truly a way to save what we had in our Marriage? I had wrapped my life up in this man and I had build my world around him, rather he saw that or not. And here he was telling me that he no longer wanted to be with me or our family that we had together. It felt like a sucker punch that came from out of no where. I asked him if he was still in love with me and he said that he didn't know. Trying to deal with the pain and trying to save my marriage was something that I would never want to relive again. Was it worth trying to save? I thought it was at the time. Hind sight always being 20/20 I see now that even though we are still fighting over the kids, that leaving and making my own way in life has been the best thing for me. It brought me in touch with who I was again. Someone that I thought that I lost along the way.
I was driving back from the long weekend with my kids listening to some music while they slept, and I had my moment of clarity. That for once in my life things where going to be ok, and that what I was doing may hurt me still, but it was for the best. In the long run I was going to be a better and stronger person because of all of the pain that I have gone through over this. There is a light at the end of my tunnel. Maybe it doesn't come in the form of money or winning any fight that we might get into. It's knowing that tomorrow is another day for me, another day for me to find the little moments in life that are worth living for, like my kids. I see it all from the point of view that if I let the little things about my STBX stress me out or get me down in anyway then he has won. And Damnit he isn't going to win anymore. I am stronger than I thought I was, and I am learing that with every door that closes to me that another one opens.
I hope that all of you have the same luck in finding yourself and the little moments that makes everything worth it.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
seasonsofchange...
Pianoguy first searched for your profile, but (unfortunately) couldn't locate one? So here are a couple of thoughts from a man who has been divorced for close to 5 years!
Memories about an EX will occasionally pop into your head from time to time. Some of these might be happy...some might be miserable...but overall, they're 'past reflections' that made some sort of an impact on your life!
Most divorced men and women have a tendency to grow 'invisible strength roots' inside. These keep us (and our children--if we have them) from getting hurt a 2nd or 3rd time. This doesn't mean we won't screw up another relationship? But we're probably going to be a tad more cautious before we permit someone new to enter our lives?
While I think most of us would welcome the possibility of another chance with a better companion...this option ISN'T A GUARANTEE! Fate and opportunity play a part! But "a matter of trust" (quoting singer, Billy Joel) really determines whether we can accept any new relationship (or even a close friendship)...and if it will succeed?
Congratulations on FINDING YOURSELF!
Pianoguy
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