Estrangement

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Estrangement
2
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 4:46pm
I'm an only child of a spread-apart and estranged extended family.
I married my ex because he had three sisters and my kids had lots of cousins.
It was great, we made yearly trips etc until the divorce.
Basically he convinced his family I was having an affair, spending all his money, and finally, that I had a contract out on his life... all untrue. He couldn't really use those reasons on me, so he told me he just was having a midlife nervous breakdown (cried alot), and wanted to kill himself, that he wanted a divorce and was looking for a place to stay, would always support us, blah blah blah. I fell for it.
He moved out and straight into his "best friend's" house-SURPRISE!!! (single coworker, 17 years younger). Swore up and down and fully CONVINCED everyone, that they had a platonic relationship. Distanced himself from his preteen kids, dropped out of their lives, then convinced the family I had made them hate him.
Five years later (now) we (my children and I) are completely estranged from his whole side of the family and it is so sad.
I tried (believe me, I tried and still try) to be the bigger person and encourage communication. I send a big Xmas food gift to them every year and they send my kids cards but nothing to me (which is okay), and only occasionally will my kids get gifts, and have never visited.
This is the bizarre part, that I don't get-
The ex's GF- before their affair she told everyone at work she had a platonic relationship with another older man in his 60s- which was true, I found out later he was married, high ranking , rich. This man gave her almost 2 million dollars worth of real estate, an imported car, jewelry, but when she demanded marriage he left her (but let her keep the goodies). She became bitter, but rich, and for some reason she told EVERYONE she was a VIRGIN and would never sleep with anyone until she got married. That's odd in itself, broadcasting your virginity at age 30.
Onto her and my ex, they started working the same shift, and well, things developed. I never suspected a thing. My ex is no prize in the looks dept, is an alcoholic and a bitter man. She's pretty and young and rich and my ex wanted to escape from me and his kids, so he told her a sob story about how abused he was and he would kill himself or live in his car rather than come home to me... finally she "took him in because he had nowhere to go".
Two years ago(after three years of shacking up she told someone I know that "people think me and (my ex) are together but we're just best friends! Everyone knows I'm a virgin!" My friend sad she was really mad and trying to defend herself or something.
I think this is so odd. It's all so bizarre I have to post it because I can't step out of my pain enough to view it objectively.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: annie882003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 7:09pm
It might be tempting to try to figure those two out. But an alcoholic who would desert his children, and a gold-digger who claims to be a virgin - neither one of them is playing with a full deck - and there is no predicting where such people might leap next. It's safest just to stand out of their way. Avert your eyes from the train-wreck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
In reply to: annie882003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 7:57pm
Thank you rosemile, for all your comments to others' posts, and to mine.
I spend way too much time wondering about what's going on in their minds. If they're lying and believe their lies, or if they're lying and know it, or not lying at all it's confusing. Is she my kids' stepmom or their dad's girlfreind or just a friend? she buys them (the kids) bday and Christmas presents but in a kind of auntish way. No one has ever seen them cuddle or show any physical affection towards each other.