Ex badmouthing me to the kids again..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Ex badmouthing me to the kids again..
4
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 10:48pm
The kids got back from their dad's on Monday, and I found out yesterday all the things that he said about me from my son, while the kids were there. It really pisses me off that he does this when the kids are with him! If he wants to bad mouth me to his gf or his friends or whoever else, fine, whatever, I am the "bad guy" in all of this according to him. Oh well. But he doesn't have to badmouth me to the kids and force them to get in the middle of things and have to involve them in all of our crap. I WANTED to end things, yes, but I wanted to do it fairly and ammicably. He was the one who chose to play dirty and lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate; so he should be angry with himself, not me. Why should I have to be put in a position where I have to defend myself to the kids because he is telling them UNTRUE things, like I stole his money, and controlled him, and wouldn't let him do anything he wanted to do. And he left because he couldn't stand me, when our seperation was MY idea. He was the one who ran off with someone else rather than choose to work on things during the seperation. He is the one who made our seperation a permanent one, not me! So if he isn't happy with how things have turned out, he has no one to blame but himself, so I wish he would just leave the kids OUT of it!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:14pm

I can SO relate to that. My ex husband did (and still does some) the same thing with my kids. I decided that my kids would learn the truth eventually on their own, and made up my mind that NO MATTER WHAT, I would NOT say anything negative about their father.

And you know what? It's paid off big time. My kids did figure everything out on their own, and I think respect me much more for being that way.

Don't get me wrong, the ex still makes me mad, but usually the kids don't know about it.

You might give it a try!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:57am
Great advice! ;-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 1:58pm
This is PAS (Parental Alientation Syndrome). Although it is always best to take the high road and not bad-mouth another parent, you also need to diffuse any misconceptions. The reason your children are telling you these things is because they are confused. Try, as judiciously as possible, to clarify things. Remind them that your and your ExDH's parting was mutual, but that you both love your children and it had nothing to do with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 2:17pm

Hi micksbabe!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~