Ex filed for cs modification, etc
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| Sat, 05-20-2006 - 9:53am |
My ex and I live in different states. He takes the kids (9 & 15yr old) to his house for summer, Spring Break, over Christmas, etc. This year he called me and said that this year for Spring Break he wanted to come up here with his mother to visit with them in their town so he could meet their friends, etc. I thought that that was a great idea and went so far as to set up a time where my son and my ex could play basketball with my son’s best friend and his dad. At that time I was in the process of buying a home and my ex knew all about this. Well, come to find out, the ex’s reason for coming up here was NOT to meet the kids friends but to hire an attorney for cs modification, to reconfigure and reduce the monthly amount he pays towards the back child support he owes me ($12,000), as he is now saying after two years of paying on it, that the amount of back child support was miscalculated in my favor and my attorney and I forced him into agreeing to that amount and to discontinue the $50 a week he pays me in alimony. He filed these papers on March 26 and then never said a word. He let me go through the whole process of buying a house, calculating my mortgage payments by the amount of current cs knowing there could be a chance that it may be reduced but not letting me know this. I closed on my house on April 21, graduated college on May 12th with an AS and I was served court papers on May 17th. My ex talked to the kids repeatedly after he filed this law suit against me about their excitement about their new home, how they were going to each paint their new rooms, moving closer to their friends, etc all the while their father remained quiet, like a snake in the grass, waiting to strike and hit me up with this information which may affect my ability to pay this mortgage. After being served, I told my ex that he was hurting his children as well as me and I based my mortgage on my cs and he could have had the decency to inform me about his actions BEFORE I got into this mortgage and he said “get a second job”.
Has anyone gone through cs modification? At this time, I make $7,000 more annually than I did at the time of the divorce and he makes $5,000 more annually than he did at the time of the divorce. Also, if he thought the amount of back cs was miscalculated why did he wait two years to say anything? In addition, he is getting remarried on June 24, 2006 and they are paying for it by themselves. I am going to guess that this expense is causing stress between him and his new bride, so they are attempting to reduce my payments to fund their wedding and lifestyles. He condemns me and says “you bought that house with MY money” “I can’t afford to buy a house bc I give you half of my paycheck” and “if you can afford to buy a house then I must be paying you too much in cs”. He makes decent money and pays $500 per child. He said “it does not cost $1000 a month to raise children”. I’m wondering how he would know that since I have had full custody of them for 6 years. Oh yeah he also said “you better watch your sh** or I’ll sue you for full custody of the kids”. Oh, one more thing, he told me that his mother paid for the whole Spring Break trip, she drove, she paid for all meals, gas, bed and breakfast AND his attorney fees. Nice. My 15yr old daughter is the one who signed for the certified letter with the court documents, so she knows about this and he said “I had no right to tell her about any of this and I am trying to make him out to be the bad guy”.
Any comments? I feel the way he went about filing for these adjustments without telling me while he KNEW I was buying a house was 100% deceitful, sneaky and deviously scheming to hurt me. Unfortunately, by hurting me, he also hurts his kids. I also feel he is just beside himself with jealousy bc I have purchased a home and graduated college, and he has done neither and he can’t stand it. His repeated comments reinforce this thought. I told him I needed a new roof for the home (I live in Hurricane Katrina area) and I was just about to schedule this with the roofer and now I have to put that on hold to hire an attorney so now his children will not have a safe roof over their heads when hurricane season starts on June 1st and he said "at least you own a roof”. Roof envy? This to me just screams envy of my accomplishments. He can say that he can not buy a home bc he gives me half of his paycheck but it is really bc of his credit. I get phone calls and letters all the time from debt collectors, collection agencies, attorneys, etc looking for him. I know that he had his car reposessed in 2004, he has delinquent debts with credit cards, cell phones, and he rented an apartment and then ducked out on the lease half way through it. And these are just the debts I know about, I’m sure there are more. So the reason he can not buy a home is bc he is irresponsible with his money and finances. Hypothetically, if he paid me more than I actually needed each month to raise these children and I saved the extra and bought a nice home for them to grow up in, is that so wrong? What do you think a judge would say about my actions? Should I be punished for buying a house with cs? Well, actually, I found a program that lets you finance your closing costs into your mortagage, so I bought a three bedroom house and paid $464.00 at closing. THATS IT!! My fool ex doesn't know this but that is all I paid to get into a house. If I had rented something, I would have had to shell out first, last and secuirty, however, where I live bc of Hurricane Katrina, rentals are few and far between and the rental prices have skyrocketed bc of demand, and that is why I chose to buy.
I welcome your comments.
hbean

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HI everyone and thank you soooo much for all your encouraging comments on this subject. I am feeling better about this, however, it is still on my mind all the time. Probably bc I am on my own, I have no family near me and I just got into this mortgage alone and I was so nervous to even buy a house alone in a hurricane region and now that I have the idea of my cs being reduced scares me since I rely on it to survive. However, over the weekend I was mowing the lawn and had some time to really think uninterrupted, so I asked myself “is my ex right? Should I get a “better job”? I just graduated with an AS in Health and PE and I work at a health food store. I want to be a nutritionalist, however, that requires a BS so I’m not quite qualified for that and teaching Health or PE also requires a BS. So I realized that in the last several months at this job I have worked four health fairs, where I have networked with doctors, chiropractors, naturopaths, massage therapist, dietians, etc in my community. Most of these people shop in the shop as well. At one health fair, I was approached by the director and she asked me if I work be interested in coming in once a month and giving a speech to the members of the wellness center we were at and I agreed. The nutritionalist from the local hospital sends her patients to speak to me as does the counselor of the diabetes center at the hospital. I have also have participated in three ~free~ employee training programs with the vitamin companies the store deals with. At the health fair I worked this weekend, the doctor who owns the center and I were talking and she told me that they were looking for a full time employee and I asked what the pay was and it was $3.50 an hour LESS than I am making now. So, I feel better and realize my ex is a fool!! I love my job, I am meeting so many contacts in my community in the natural healthcare field, I make pretty good money and I am HAPPY where I am at and he can’t stand it. Sad.
Anyway, THANK YOU all for your comments.
Got2bekidding, I do have one question for you but I am out of time I will ty later. Gotta go to work to pay this mortgage!! :-)
Oh yes, I have been repeatedly accused of “misappropriating” the child support. My ex insists there are “loopholes” in the system because I do not have to account for every penny of child support. Yes, I do make out very good, but I get 1/3 of his pay-which is the state guideline. I also put some money aside every month for the kids.
Since my current husband and I married last year we have done some major home improvements. My ex thinks child support money paid for them. The truth is after we divorced I paid him his portion (over time) of the equity in the house. Then, last year, I refinanced on my own to get him off the mortgage. Because the value of the house had increased (even since we divorced) I was able to borrow additional funds. All of the improvements are things that should have been done while we were married, but he was too pre-occupied.
My ex also thinks child support covers every little expense (including driver’s ed, school trips, etc.). I have come to a point where I don’t even ask him any longer, I just pay whatever it is. He is now crying poverty. Well too bad! He had it made when we were married. He is the one who chose to break up the family. He is the one who turned around and married a “high class” (his words) (did I mention I am trailer trash!), high maintenance woman.
He also talks to the kids about things that are none of their business. Recently my son got into some trouble. I told him his father would have to pay half of whatever fees or fines there might be. I told him this so he would know the impact of his actions. His response “Dad can’t afford to pay that because he has to pay you so much alimony”.
I hope you have a clause in your decree whereby your ex has to pay your legal fees if he takes you to court and loses. I did. When my ex took me to court to stop paying alimony and lost, he also had to pay my legal fees, in addition to his own lawyer’s fees. Part of child support is to provide shelter for your children, in addition to food and clothing. I can’t see how a judge could reduce the payments.
First of all, you don't have to report to your X about what you spend the money on. That is just a way of trying to control and upset you. Child support is exactly that, it is money to be used in support of the children, whether it is used for school lunches, clothing, entertainment, gas in the car or the utility bill.
I cannot imagine a judge reducing child support! CS is based on the ability of a person to pay at the onset of the dissolution of a marriage. If you work hard and put yourself through school to make a better life for you and your kids, that does not put into play what he has to pay each month for cs.
Once an amount has been established, I cannot and have never seen a judge reduce it, only increase it based on the X's ability to pay, such as yearly raises and the like. Put it this way, if you were to win 50 million in the lottery, your X would still have to pay, because those are HIS children. However, if your husband wins the lottery (we can only hope) you can take him back to court for an increase in child support and get it! Because he has a better ability to pay and more "disposable income."
My attorney told me that she heard the judge time and time again say that he didn't care if the parent receiving child support used "that money" to go to Tahiti as long as the children's needs were being met.
The paying party cannot dictate what support is spent for... or "supervise" it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I was just wondering how often changes were made to divorce agreements (child support, back child support and alimony) and what were some circumstances if a change was made. Also, yesterday my 15yr old dd meet with her counselor and the counselor told me to file for visitation modification so dd does not have to go to his house for the summer which she is quit adamant she is not going to her father’s house for the summer. Ever seen that? Oh, I hate this stress:-(
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