Ex hates new man in my life.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Ex hates new man in my life.....
7
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 3:54pm

My ex hates the new man in my life. I have not introduced my children to him yet. They don't even know that I am dating yet, but my X says he will never let the kids near the new guy. He can't do that, right? This new man is wonderful and a great person, but my X won't hear any of that.... I just need HELP!!!!

Also, when is the right time to tell the children about the new man in mommy's life? My kids are 8 and 6.

Thanks!!

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 4:25pm

Hello Kate,


I have a couple of questions.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 4:44pm

Hi Kate.... it's really not up to him!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 4:47pm

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 4:53pm

Ya know, after I typed that I was sitting here going..... "where did I pull that from????"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 10:10pm
Oh, they just get pissy when they find out you have found someone and are happy. Jealousy rears it's ugly head, even if the ex initiated the divorce and has his own squeeze. If you are in a happy stable relationship with this man then your kids will of course be spending time with the both of you and the ex has nothing to say about it. I wouldn't even discuss it with him. The less details he has of your personal life the better since it really isn't any of his business anymore. Though I always had a rule that the BF did not sleep over when I had the kids visiting. And the "kids" were 17 and 22 when we split. Another thing was when the ex and the BF finally met (it is inevitable) they were both fine with it and my ex later agrred that he seemed like a really nice guy. They do get over it.
Avatar for autumnstar02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 8:23am

When my bf introduced me to his kids it was a little over a year & a half after we started dating. #1 rule in our relationship was that the kids don't meet me unless we are serious. Both of us were coming out of long term relationships (him a marriage) so we were slow with dating to be sure it was right. Kids should not meet someone you are just "dating". Does that mean its a pain because you can't have him over on kid nights? Yup. In my case bf has 100% custody rights...ex has no visitation unless he agrees...even more of a pain. I couldn't come over at all basically.

I was introduced as "dads friend". No kissing, hugging, hand holding, etc until kids got to know me and love me...which they do now. :-) We still don't (and won't) do overnights with kids around. Not an option. Now, I am starting the journey into "dads girlfriend" and they are taking to it much easier. The kids are now 12-17 & all of them have really attached to me.

It was hard, but looking back I wouldn't have done it any other way!

Autumn

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 12:53pm

I have to say that it's wonderful to see the posts from people who are putting their love lives on the back burner for the sake of their children! My daughters have no idea that I'm dating and when they are with me, they know that they are my #1 priority. They know I have a live away from them, but I have a life with them as well.

I'm only 40ish. These girls are really only going to be with me for about 10 more years anyway. I can wait until then, even though I'd love to marry my sweetie so that they could have a decent marriage to watch.

I understand all the points about showing them how to date, but my choice is to not date with my kids. They're only 7 and 11. I don't think they're old enough to date!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie