EX From HELL Harassent Since Remarriage
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| Fri, 10-20-2006 - 6:18pm |
I recently got remarried and am very happy. That's my ex's problem. He has been harassing us and threatening me almost everyday. Also just trying to wear me down. Now he filed action to have more visititation and possibly gain custody based on false pretenses, lying saying he is barely seeing his kids. Below is just one of many email chains i deal with on an almost daily basis. He also made the threat that if I don't do what he wants "all my fears will come to pass" What I need to know is does he sound nuts? But do you think about his personality from these letter? It started with him harassing me for life insuranc documentation but wouldnt show me his:
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Mark,
You are very unstable. This letter shows it. I am more concerned about the children than ever. Maybe you do need supervised visitation. I am going to ask the judge about this.
Ok you're right taking baths with and being naked in front of your daughter at five is wonderful, my mistake. It was normal for Chloe to draw penis's and paste them on herself at five years old, true. You insisted on continuing to do it even though you were told that is not proper, you said it was your right. Even so I didn't report you. I do think and did think it was sick. I have tried to block it out of my mind, but you keep bringing it up.
Plus, I'm not the one who ever called the police regarding your violent behavior, although I should have.
You are still not over my divorcing you. You are obviously angryand jealous I found a wonderful man and have never been so happy, in spite of your constant attempts to disrupt my happiness. The children were happy too, until you started this crap. I feel sorry for you.
Your "sudden enlightenment" about your not having to pay for any of their health insurance is disgusting. Furthermore, it is obvious the judge meant that while I am not employed we are to split the costs. That's why she put in my being employed as a condition to my having to pay for it, otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned anything about my employment, she just would have said I was responsible not matter what. It doesn't matter like I said before you have admitted prior that you should be splitting the costs.
Regarding chiropractic, you and I have been going to chiropractors for years, and we have taken the children on and off for years. We even took them to get adjusted after they were born. Just another example where you are trying to get out of paying for their medical care. Btw, your share is $60 per month, and they can go as often as they like during the month, its not just one visit.
Obviously, another example of your deciding what you will and won't pay for without regard to the order. Well, what you won't pay for because you have paid for very very little in regard to their medical care over the past seven years. You don't even appreciate that I never hounded you for overwhelming the majority of the expenses.
You are in contempt of court on many grounds. We do need to go to court because obviously unfortunately, you need a judge to tell you what you are supposed to be doing.
First you are cancelling the insurance, now you are willing to pay for it????? That sounds very very unstable as well. WE and especially your children obviously can't rely on a word you say.
Send me the proof of your life insurance and the years worth of statements for the cost of the childrens insurance that I have been paying on your "word" as to what it cost. Why are you refusing to send me any of this documentation?
Also, I have not received child support for the 15th that is another violation.
Btw, my children have seen my family anytime they ask or my family asks while they are in my care, and continues to do so. In fact I have spent time with them as well.
Well, I have spoken with a really knowledgeable attorney and she agrees based on your behavior we should go back to the divorce verbatim. It looks like you agree as well. Unfortunately you are not interpreting it correctly, so we still need to go to court.
So following the decree is what I have to do in every single respect due to your aberrant behavior. That means picking your children up at 3:30. Plus I was being nice by allowing you to have dinner with them during the week (which was actually my idea) , but since all you do is harass me and upset me on a daily basis, and continually bad mouth me, and want to follow the decree anyway, that will not be continuing.
Mark > wrote:
You are wrong. I will never forgive you for divorcing me eight years ago.
I will not forget your claim that I sexually abused Chloe, that I didn't date for two years and that I needed
supervised visitation cause I was a sexual threat to my children (during the
divorce). It's another of your lies to claim it was the therapist. I know
what YOU did!
I will not forget your throwing me out of the house. I will not forget your
emptying the bank accounts. I will not forget your taking $19,000, even tho u gave me half of our saving and I was going to send he money to my mom for safe keeping and you get none. I will
not forget your demand for $2000 for a weekend visitation on Fathers Day, even tho I disappeared from the childrens lives for months and paid you not one penny of support until the judge made me almost a year later. I will not forget your demand for $2000/mo child support, even though it was guideline for what I was making at the time.Of course I had most of it cuz i have a cash business. I will not forget
your having me arrested twice for no good reason, even tho it was I who actually called the police on my self, and had broken in a wall over our 5 yr. old daughters head while trying to punch you. So what if I failed the court ordered program Men Living Without Violence twice, I never did anything wrong. So what if I started a fight with your new husband because he made me help you out by taking the kids for Labor day even tho its my weekend and I am telling the judge you won't let me see them. So what if I tried to get ur husband arrested and the police didnt believe my side of the story? So what if I never liked your family before but have not gotten them under my thumb to the point of testifying about you in court even tho they have no real basis.
You are a wretched person Alison. And you do not care who you hurt in the
meantime. That is socio-pathological. You need help.
If you don't do what I want immediately including let me see the kids whenever I say I want to, all your fears will come to pass
M
PS. The chiropractic invoice is an elective medical procedure(unlike a
doctor's visit for Strepp throat). You never contacted me about any
chiropractic care for the children as the Decree clearly states. You are to
discuss with me ANY issue related to the care of the children.
Additionally $120 for one adjustment for each child is extraordinary. I
couldn't afford that cost. I guess you are doing quite well...so good luck
paying for it.
----- Original Message -----
From: "
Sent: Tuesday, October 17, 2006 6:54 PM
Subject: Re: Life Insurance
> It's kinda hard to believe that you read something 40 times and are only
> now reading a provision. You constantly quote from the decree and try to
> twist it to fit your own made up rules. We discussed that provision ad
> nauseum and you have admitted many times you know you are responsible for
> paying half of their insurance if it is not through my employment but just
> don't feel like paying it since your wife obtained it through her
> employment
>
> So let me get this straight, you are refusing to pay half of the
> children's insurance during the time I have been and continue to be
> unemployed ?
> .
> Your lack of character is appalling. It is obvious your power trip is
> more important to you than the welfare of the children.
>
> I have bent over backwards for years just to keep the peace. I welcomed
> your new wife and was nothing but friendly and supportive of her. I was
> grateful that you found someone who I thought could keep you stable. Now
> that I am remarried you do not reciprocate the same respect or maturity
> toward my marriage to say the least.
>
> Grow up and stop being petty. I expect you to pay half the insurance and
> other medical costs in the best interest of the children.
>
> I expect you to show me a statement from the insurance company or from
> Leslie's paystub on how much this insurance actually does cost and has
> cost over the time I have been paying it. I have been asking for that for
> a year and have yet to receive one iota of any documentation, yet you
> demand all sorts of immediate documentation on every issue constantly.
>
> You are now in receipt of the chiropractic expenses and my life insurance
> policy. You need to both pay your share and send me your policy info in a
> timely manner.
>
> I am not paying you a penny since you actually owe me money, and I can't
> stop you from cancelling the children's health insurance.
>
> I can't even believe the time I have spent on this ongoing conversation
> regarding your attempts to get out of your obligations that directly
> affect the well being of your children.
>
> A
>
>>FROM Mark:
>>
> You are responsible for health insurance for the children.Yes this is a threat -
> Now do you want me to drop the childrens health insurance and leave them with none to spite you or do you want to keep it in
> effect for the children?
>
>
> Please send me the $69.00 you owe for the Florida doctor visit and the
> $12.50 you owe me for Ariel's Children's Hospital visit.
> M
>
>
>
>
>
Edited 10/22/2006 9:15 pm ET by alicatangel
Edited 10/22/2006 9:20 pm ET by alicatangel

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Um....wow. I thought I got along poorly with my ex. I can not imagine still going through this eight years after a divorce.
It seems like the largest issue here is the money. If he owes you money he is not paying, don't bother engaging him any longer. File contempt charges - I was able to do it on my own without the assistance of an attorney.
Hi Alicatangel,
WOW
I sincerely wish I could reach through the computer and "hit" someone over the head. And that someone would no be you.
What can I say?
I hope you have a strong and supportive husband because it sounds like you're going to need it. What a way to start a marriage. It takes so much energy to keep "it all" going and you have to have enough to keep "two it alls" going.
Do you have good professional advice?
I was so fortunate in my divorce because he wanted it quick to marry the new love of his life, and I definitely wanted to be divorced from him too. The negotiations were swift and even. I was a second wife, and had a most unusual relationship with the first wife. I was not the cause of their breakup and there were 2 children involved. One 14, the other 20. She was their mother, not me. In fact, what a shock people got when they found out she was staying at the house on a visit to see "her children"
Your story seems to be so much more typical than mine.
Just wanted to lend you my support and wishes for a successful new marriage and a acceptable resolution to your current ex situation.
gale4c_Gail
Alica,
Get a lawyer's opinion on the emails. Your Ex could be barred from seeing his daughter based on the comments about your daughter's drawing male body parts and being exposed to nudity. Be careful these allegations aren't turned on you and your new husband.
If you aren't already documenting your visitation, do so. Date, time, drop off/pick up, anything you sent with the kids (clothes, toys, etc.). Don't sssume your ex is going to play fair. He's not.
Also, your Ex's behavior is pretty typical in the reactionary sense. He's angry and he's lashing out. You've moved away from his influence and so he's striking out at you through the children. Typical also.
Again, get some legal opinions and take the lawyer's advice. If he ever threatens you or your children physically, go to the police immediately.
Wisdomtooth
I didn't read very far to get the drift of the kind of thing that's going back and forth. I want to say that if you did not report the issue of bathing, nakedness, and penis', you are as responsible as he is in the eyes of the law. You need to report things like this. Otherwise it will bite you in the ***.
Second, as long as you are this angry, he is running the show. It took me a long time to get that. I did NOT want to believe it when I first heard it. I expect that you probably won't either. As long as he is able to push your buttons and make you react the way he expects you to, he is continuing to emotionally abuse you. Once you quit allowing him to have the power to do that, he has no control over you any more. I DO know that these are important issues that must be taken care of. Doing it with sarcasm and angry remarks isn't going to get it done any easier. I am NOT condoning what he is doing. It's wrong! However, I know, BTDT from being in a severely abusive marriage of 20 years, that it's hard to let go of those buttons!! You do not have to explain your behavior to him, IE, you weren't the one to call the police. You no longer have the right to tell him why he is behaving in a certain way, IE, because you are happily married, he's acting out. If he is doing things against the court order, it can be taken care of with an unemotional, detached letter (I don't know if this is all of it or accurate due to not reading all of your post. This is just an example.). IE,
Mark,
It is my understanding that you are removing the children from the court ordered health insurance. I will need to be advised immediately of what other health insurance plan that they will be on per the court order.
I (or the doc) will send you a monthly bill for your share of the medical bills per the court order. You can count on a regular payment of $60 per month to Dr. Who for chiropratic adjustments as always.
I would like to receive the paperwork on the life insurance policy that you are required to have per the court order. Please send this to me within 14 days of your reciept of this letter.
Due to circumstances, I have been advised by my attorney to return to the court ordered parenting plan verbatim. In the future, you will have the children from 4PM Friday to 3PM Sunday. I will expect the child support to be paid in a timely manner as dictated by the court.
Sincerely,
Angel
This kind of letter clearly outlines what the court order states and what you expect. It does not do so in a way that he can get angry at the "way" you said or did it. It does it in a way so that if he wants to get angry, he can get angry at the courts for their decisions and at you for insisting that he follow the court order. If he is only angry about you insisting that he follow the court order, you can deal with that on a much calmer manner.
Truly, and I am really not trying to be mean in my post, I'm trying very hard to couch my words accordingly, if a judge were to see these emails back and forth between you, you would also be being called on your emails and the tone in them. Take a step back. If it doesn't happen in one day, it won't kill anyone. Take your time in answering. Take a step away from the anger. Figure out all the buttons he is pushing. Don't let him do it. Don't let him run the show. YOU run the show with calmness and rationality.
Oh he already filed a bogus court action which i had to a hire an atty to respond to. saying hes not getting his days when he is. more harassment. i tried writing exactly that type of letter but it didn't matter he answered with lies and hatred spewing. this all started when i got remarried and he came over to our place for a brawl. hes telling people lies about what im doing. Yes I answered in angry tone after his tenth email harassing me over the same subject but rewriting the decree in each one.
This shows his mentality and what im up against. this is a letter he wrote to my sister who he is trying to alienate me from which made its way to me:
____________________________________________________________________________
Dear Nan,
I am sorry I missed your call. And I guess 11 PM is too late to call back. But please don't worry about my email this afternoon. All of this gets me down, and I'm not questioning your resolve. I am just worn down by all this, and I have to keep perspective on all this mess. I have to keep it as simple as possible to have any success in the Court room. The more issues that come up and the dirtier it gets, the less
likely anything will get resolved. Further, I really don't want to have you or your Mother or Father testify for me. The more I think about it, the worse the whole situation becomes as it escalates. I get so angry at her accusations and lies and knowing how she hurts the children that I want to do everything I can to have the children with me. It may be possible too. I may have to get a Private Investigator on Martin; and I'd have to get you and Hanna to testify against Alison and it would be a real mess. I also realize doing all this could be counterproductive. I believe in a few years (at the most) lots will change. Chloe will be older and will be able to choose where she and Ariel live. Then she'll turn 16 and I'll get her a car. Alison and Martin are likely to collapse and who knows what else might happen over there. I am afraid for the children however. I just have to keep in close contact with them. I keep telling them, and maybe
you should too, that if anything gets weird, any problems occur, if there are fights or problems at the house, call me (or you) right away. Who knows what Martin's background is? Who knows what's going on in that house? It really wouldn't be bad for you to become friendly with Alison just to be able to keep close to the children...keep an eye out. I believe that I will keep it as simple as possible on Nov 2. Just ask the Judge to restore the visitation schedule as it was, and see what happens. If Alison escalates it, I will do all I can to avoid the mess, and keep with my original purpose: to have the children about 10-12 days a month just as it was before. As for this weekend, I have a suggestion for getting together. Ariel is having a Halloween party here Saturday afternoon at 5:00 PM. We're having pizza and snacks and loads of fun. I don't think we can make it to Ashlinn's carnival, but we would love to have ALL of you over here to have
pizza and fun Saturday night. Maybe you (and Jim, if he's available) and the children can come here after the carnival and have dinner and have a party together. I know Chloe wanted to go to Ashlinn's carnival, but maybe Ashlinn and Aiden wouldn't mind coming here instead. What do you think? And Jim, what's his schedule Saturday? Mark
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