Ex Husbands Lies and Catholic Annulment

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Ex Husbands Lies and Catholic Annulment
5
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:44am

I was divorced a year ago after a year and a half marriage. It was mutual, we both knew it wasn’t working, and I was very happy to get out. (He had depression problems, wouldn’t get help and liked to spend hours on video games, he also always put everyone in front of me, and told me his family and friends came first always) So I’ve gone on to do everything I wanted to do, move to another state, change careers, etc.

Now he is seeking a catholic annulment, (we were married catholic, but I am not) and the priest contacted me to ask some questions. I had no idea how personal it was going to be, or the fact that the priest would tell me everything he said. Well my ex-husband told the priest lots of personal stuff, about me and my parents and most of it isn’t true. He told the priest I was a lesbian (I am not, I am very happy with my b/f), that the whole time we were married I was taking medicine and hallucinating (the most I take is a couple of advil) and that I didn’t get along with my coworkers and I would yell and argue with them. (I had one coworker who caused a lot of trouble with me and other people, and I would come home from work venting about how she made my day miserable and argued with me). He also told the priest I had no friends because I yelled at them all and argued with them.

None of this is true, and it hurts so bad that my ex-husband would go and tell a Priest these lies, and then I had to hear them. It also hurts that he told the Priest personal stuff about my parents life. Has anyone else gone through a catholic annulment, and did they have to get this personal? I am a very private person and I don’t like the thought of people I don’t know looking over my life and deciding if I should get an annulment, especially stuff that is not true. I told the Priest none of it is true. I am so mad that I want to write a nasty email to my ex, but I know better. I guess I’m just looking for someone else that has gone through this, and I would like to know more about what to expect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 11:25am

Guess this is why you divorced the jerk. Well I doubt he'll get the annulment now since he lied to his priest about everything. What a freak.

I wouldn't let it bother you. He's the one lying to his priest, I mean you would think that if religion was soooo important to him that he was going through the necessary steps to get an annulment he would be honest. But I guess it takes all kinds. Doesn't surprise me I guess, my exhusband and his mistress went to church regularly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 11:48am

Well, thank goodness for priestly confidentiality!


However... if one were seeking an annulment.... these are the kinds of "lies" or real events it would take to get it.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 11:55am

I am catholic, was married catholic, and got an annulment.

My ex pursued it. I had no idea until I was contacted by the church that was processing the annulment.

The preist called me by phone to inform me that the annulment was being requested, and asked if I was willing to participate. I was sent a list of essay type questions. I was not ever told what my ex had said about me or the marriage. I was given the option to share my answer with my ex, or to keep it private. I let my ex see the answers, as I had nothing to hide, nor was I lying.

The annulment was granted with very little fanfare. I had absolutely no contact with my ex.

Give the priests handling the annulment some credit -- they'll have a reasonable appreciation if your ex is lying or not. If you elect to participate, they will either see consistency in the answers, or a lack of consistency.

Personally, I found the experience a positive one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 2:02pm

I just spoke with my dad...his ex wife (before my mom) was Catholic and wanted an annulment. He said he went to speak to two priests for about 10 minutes, he answered a few basic questions, and that was about it. So I really don't know if what this priest is doing is typical.


Either way, I would stop cooperating with the annulment process. Let your ex deal with the lies he told.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 2:46pm
Thank you everybody for responding and making me feel better. I just know that after talking to the Priest something wasn't right, he was aking way to personal questions about our sex life and such. You wouldn't even talk to your best friend about the stuff he was asking. the whole interview was done over the phone. Now my ex's parents, sister and cousin have to be interviewed. Part of me wants to know what they are going to say about me (I can't even imagine, while we were friendly we weren't super close, I have no idea what my husband was telling them while we were married). Another part of says just stay out of the whole process from now on, its been upsetting enough. I never expected it to be like this. The divorce was easy compared to this, no personal details were disclosed then.