An excerpt from a great book......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
An excerpt from a great book......
13
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 4:52pm

I am reading a great book called Ex Etiquette for Parents Good behavior afer a divorce or separation. I have A LOT of great excerpts but this one caught my eye. I know a lot of us are dealing with the pain of infidelity.


This book does a lot of question answer.


Question:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 5:08pm

I am a big fan of that book. It doesn't address how to deal with a toxic ex, but it gives a ton of useful information on what co-parenting is and how to work towards that. There is a board here where one of the authors of that book is a contributor if anyone is interested: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psbonusfam and the authors also have a website at: http://bonusfamily.com/

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 5:12pm
Oh and also, great quote to select. I think we have a lot of members dealing with exactly that issue right now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 5:19pm

THanks! I LOVE this book...... I have found some really great ways to deal with my ex. Most of them have worked.....


Now if I could only find a way to make him stop spending his money on "crap" and start paying child support, we would be all set....LOL... just kidding.... sort of. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 11:22am
That's great... thanks for pointing that out to us.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 3:01pm

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Even those of us who aren't parents can take something from this. And I think it's true... I don't feel as bad when I'm not badmouthing OW as when I did. So maybe I'm making some progress. Tolerance I can aim for and hopefully achieve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 3:03pm

VERY well said and proof that things like this work!


I agree, I don't feel so bad about my situation when I don't involve myself with her. ( thinking talking or otherwise )


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 3:29pm

"Each time you use such negative language, it reinforces your pain and anger- and it also keeps you in a defensive or reactive state. You can't move past the pain when you are stuch in a defensive mode, asking yourself, 'what's wrong with me?'"

That's the point I have been trying to get across to some of the people on this board. Just bashing your spouse in order to get "support" is not the way to start the healing process. Yes, my advice may be sometimes harsh, but at least it's honest...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 3:38pm

Understood and the reason I posted this.


Thank you for your honest posts..... wording is key though :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 3:38pm
There is no 'one right way' to get through this or start the healing process. Everyone is in a different place. If someone has to yell, kick and scream to clear their head so that they can then calmly reflect and see what changes they need to make for themselves and their situation, so be it. Some people are so overwhelmed just by what is happening, they just have to vent and make it through one day at a time, and down the road, when they are ready, the healing can begin.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 4:20pm
I definitely know that when I'm venting here I say things.... write things here.... that I would NEVER actually say to my EX.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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