an exression of reasoning
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| Sun, 07-29-2007 - 6:55am |
This is something that came to me the other day - a metaphor of sorts... I'll bet some of you, who have made the decision to separate or divorce, out there can relate.
This experience is kinda like when you are in a room with the curtains close (you can open them anytime you think you want to) - but you leave a lamp turned on in the corner - so it's comfortable, and there is enough light to do what you need to do - so you just do - and then one day - you open a back door that you knew was always there - but you weren't sure where it lead to and so - there was no real reason to open it... you had what you needed..... and one day you realize that maybe you do want to know what is out that door - and not just the door you're used to using - so you open it --- but it is so bright that you can't hardly see and it hurts your eyes so you squint and try to look around - and you see pretty much the same stuff you've always seen, but more clear - but it is so bright that you close the door and go back in. whew... you think that it was so bright that it hurt - and how could your eyes adjust to that much light - this place you've been is more comfortable - but you think about the other things you saw when you were squinting - their colors were brighter, and lines were more clear - like putting on a pair of prescription glasses for the first time and seeing that there were actually some clear lines, not all lines were fuzzy - up close or far away - so time passes and you think... ok - my eyes didn't get damaged by opening that door - so I'm going to try it again... maybe it isn't so bad and I was just not used to it - This time when you open it, you put up your hand to offer some shade to your eyes - and after a few minutes you are able to step out and your eyes begin to adjust and you realize that the lines really are more clear - the people are brighter and more of them seem to be smiling - things aren't dull, even though you didn't even realize that they were dull - you just got used to the dimness that you were in, because it was comfortable -
well, in my experiences right now, my eyes are adjusting - and even though I knew I was not happy and felt the feelings that I did, I thought I was being silly - or just messed up for thinking that way - the more I see - the more I learn that I wasn't silly and I wasn't messed up. I am getting used to and liking what I see going forward. It doesn't seem easy to adjust to the light, because you have to let go of securities that you thought were healthy and helpful, you have to assess what is healthy and what is not for yourself - you are on unstable ground, but each step you take it becomes more stable... Here is a quote that a friend sent me... I really like it.
"Its not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but its that place in between that we fear; Its like being between trapezes. Its Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." Marilyn Ferguson
I LOVED that quote!!!
I hope some of you are somewhat comforted today by some realization that you have had or will have - and that you can use it to help you to make your life better.
S

You're right, I do like your metaphor. I know that life on the other side of D is probably going to be a million times better. But its going through the transition that seems scary. My H and I just recently decided to go our separate ways after I discovered his A. Slowly I'm coming to terms with all the changes that need to happen. But everyday I feel like I do see a little more clearly and it makes things easier to cope with. It also helps that my family and friends are being so supportive.
Thanks for your metaphor and I wish you the best.