Facts, Fears and Goals
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Facts, Fears and Goals
| Tue, 02-27-2007 - 12:57am |
Tonight on my search for answers on divorce I came across an article that talked about facts, fears and goals. It said you should right down the facts about what is happening. Make sure it is fact and not emotion. Then you should right down your fears and what will happen if you face them. Last you should write down your goals, short and long term. It really made me look at things different. I found out a lot about me. I also realized life is not going to end because of all this. I thought I would share mine.
Facts
I am getting a divorce
STBx


This is quite good. I think I will try it and share it with the support group I am in.
Gl to you.
M
great job Jen, I am going to try this. I do list goals and advocate breaking them into 3 lists. Long term (1-5 years). Mid-range (1 week to 6 months). Immediate (today - what you want to acccomplish this week). Put some things you are sure to do on your immediate list. It's great to cross stuff off!! These lists build on eachother.
Long Term
Take English Classes 07'
Obtain Masters Degree in Secondary Educatin English 08'
Land teaching job 09'
Mid-Range
Take English Classes 07'
Buy a townhome 07'
Increase fitness level 1 week-6 months
Get separation agreement done within 3 months
Continue family therapy (kids and I) ongoing
Girls night Friday
Keep divorce journal up to date
Immediate
Practice yoga 30 minutes
Pay Retainer
Take L to swim lessons
Take J to chess class
Take care of cows
Pay bills
Check substitute teacher postings for Friday
Excellent!
Wow, I am impressed. You sound focused and directed and confident.
Can I ask ... are you working now? Are you able to afford to wait to return to work until you finish your education? How old are your children? I may have asked you all this before on a different post, but I get confused ;-). How is family therapy going? How has it helped your children?
I am a sahm. We are in mediation and working with a child psychologist on a parenting plan. We have a tentative move out date for my stbx of April 20/28, although last week the mediator told us it was unlikely we would have a financial settlement by then. We are running into conflict over where he will live and reasonable access to the kids since he wants to live some distance and not have a car.
I am in school so I can go back to work as a school media librarian (I already have my MLS). Based on finances I feel like I will need to go back to work sooner rather than later which breaks my heart (my dds are almost 5 and 6 1/2, still in pre-school and kindy).
I may need to sell the house in order to live within my means, especially if I chose a lower-paying job so I can work close to the children's school hours.
Please tell me more of your story and your kids' story; your post was inspiring!.
Thanks!
M
Thanks for sharing this. It sounds like a great idea. I'm going to work on my lists once the kiddies are in bed tonight!
M
I did post about all the details but, it has been a while! I have been a SAHM for 5 years. I am working as a substitute teachers on Fridays only (thats the only day I have child care right now). Will be working more hours this summer as a temp. for Manpower. I am going to substitute two days a week next year and cram all my english classes into MWF and work T/TH. Won't be working at all during the May to May Masters degree fasttrack program. This will be tough. My parents are going help me with money if I get into trouble. I really don't want to do this because, my mom is a bit of a busybody, know it all spaz who will make me completely nuts while wanting very much to help. My stbxh does pretty well (not rich or anything but deffinitely solid middle class) and we sold our house for a pretty good mint last September. We bought land with half of the profits and banked the other 1/2 to build with. When I found out what my husband was up to (cheating on an plodding against me), I moved all the money to a different bank in my name only. We just put the land up for sale. Now I am agling to keep all the money for a house/school/living expenses during school plus child support and a pittance alimony (1K for child support and $300 for alimony) OR 1/2 of the money and huge rehabilitative alimony and child support (3.5K per month or more if I can get it. I gave him the choice and am waiting for a response. My lawyer seems to think I will get one of the two but, we shall see. Right now we are just floating along (I am at my sisters, he is staying with the homewreking adultress whore) and we are taking what we need from a joint checking account. We are not yet even legally separated so, a divorce is a ways off, unfortuately. I dared him to cut us off financially. He wouldn't dare, I explained exactly how I would nail his a** to the wall.
Therapy, we are still working on building a relationship with the therapist and my older guy sees a counselor at school. The are pretty much okay but, do have come clearcut behavioral issues we are working through (separation anxiety, testing limits and my little guy has reverted to crying when he is left at preschool. Kids are 5 ( like your DD a late birthday, still in preschool) and 8 in the 3rd grade, they are boys. I am not sure if therapy has helped yet because, it has been very slow and limited but, we in the early stages.
I am actually in a pretty good position because, all our stuff is in storage, I have a place to stay that is friendly and I was able to secure a decent amount of cash for stuff like the lawyer retainer, school and a down payment for a house. I am deffinitely counting my lucky starts in this sad, sad situation. Not to mentnion my jerk husband is just thrilled to be running off with an adultress 10 years his senior who makes even more than he does. He doesn't care about the money because, he is convinced they are going to stroll off into the sunset and have all the money in the world. I have no wish to upset that dream for them if I can get everything I can out of the deal and walk. I deserve so much more...and I'll get it!
Sounds like we have some stuff in common. That will be great to be a librarian! Both of your kids will be in elementary, like mine. That will be a great thing because, it offsets childcare costs tremendously! I'm trying to look on the brightside and think, at least I got to stay home with my children through preschool. What a wonderful gift. Instead of being sad, I'm glad! It's great you will be able to have summers off with the kids...thats sort of like being a SAHM! During the summers I want to go to garage sales and sell the stuff I get on ebay for extra $$. Anything with an IBSN number is so easy to list and mail and sells pretty well.
Sorry to hijack the post but, I wanted to answer all mymava's questions!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks for filling me in. I hope you get everything you can financially to take care of yourself and your children. I am glad you have a plan. I do too, sort of. Unfortunately, the deeper I go into this class the less appealing it is to me. I love being a librarian, but I don't know that being a school librarian is right for me. I just really want those school hours.
I like your positive attitude -- at least I was a sahm this long, but after 6 1/2 years as a sahm I am really committed to it and think it is the best way for me to parent and for my kids so to give it up feels like a huge loss!
I will, of course, do my best with what I have been handed.
I think my stbx is out apartment hunting today; didn't reply to an email about the kids' schedule ... he's gonna rent something too expensive and far from his kids, gd him! Despite the advice of all the professionals we have talked to. Shame on him.
Ok, I will be quiet; not a good day for me today; tomorrow I hope will be better.
Thanks for sharing your story and your courage!
M