Falling apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Falling apart
3
Wed, 12-25-2013 - 7:42pm

<ul><li>I got a great new job, and my H and I moved to a new state and bought our first home 3 months ago. &nbsp;Now he tells me he wants a divorce, he's moving back home, and taking our 8 year old son! &nbsp;We've been together for 21 years, married 17. &nbsp;He says he's not happy and wants to return with our son to their "roots." &nbsp;My son says he hates his new school here and wants to move with his dad. &nbsp;They are going to move his parents in so that my son will have 24/7 child care. &nbsp;I have no support system here and work 60 hours a week. &nbsp;I have always been the primary breadwinner. &nbsp;I'll be stuck alone in a 5 bedroom house in the middle of nowhere with no equity in the house. &nbsp;I'm falling apart and I'm afraid.</li></ul>

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 12-25-2013 - 11:34pm

Instead of falling apart.......get busy.  First of all, he can't just "take" your son away from you.  Secondly, if you're the primary breadwinner, then figure out how to stay in your house, maybe look for a "boarder" or a woman who can share your home with you. It's not unusual for an 8 year old to hate the new school.......it's a hard transition at that age, plus he's probably being prompted by his father!  Find a lawyer, and find out what your rights and obligations are.  Do not "allow" him to just leave town with your son......that would be tantamount to "approval" and wouldn't look good in court.  In 21 years you didn't know your husband was unhappy.......or is it sudden, and because of the move?  Is he that attached to his parents......and if you're the breadwinner, I'm guessing that Mommy and Daddy have pampered him since he was a child, and will continue to do it if he goes back there.

Get a lawyer ASAP, and find out what you can do to keep your son and whatever else you can or should do.  Falling apart helps nothing.  I'm sorry this had to happen to you, especially at this time of the year.  Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 12-25-2013 - 11:35pm

Instead of falling apart.......get busy.  First of all, he can't just "take" your son away from you.  Secondly, if you're the primary breadwinner, then figure out how to stay in your house, maybe look for a "boarder" or a woman who can share your home with you. It's not unusual for an 8 year old to hate the new school.......it's a hard transition at that age, plus he's probably being prompted by his father!  Find a lawyer, and find out what your rights and obligations are.  Do not "allow" him to just leave town with your son......that would be tantamount to "approval" and wouldn't look good in court.  In 21 years you didn't know your husband was unhappy.......or is it sudden, and because of the move?  Is he that attached to his parents......and if you're the breadwinner, I'm guessing that Mommy and Daddy have pampered him since he was a child, and will continue to do it if he goes back there.

Get a lawyer ASAP, and find out what you can do to keep your son and whatever else you can or should do.  Falling apart helps nothing.  I'm sorry this had to happen to you, especially at this time of the year.  Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-26-2013 - 11:42am

Did this all come about because of your job and the move?  Were you & DH happy before this?  You know 3 mos. is not a long time to adjust to a new place and of course if your DH is unhappy then your son probably buys into this and says he wants to go home and dad says ok, we'll go home.  Is your DH willing to talk about what is making him unhappy?  Did he agree that this move would be good for the family or did you say that you got a good job and since you make the money, everybody has to go along with the plan?  I do not understand how you could have no equity in a house that you just bought--didn't you have to put down a deposit?  If not, it just seems like you bought a house that was way more than you could afford.  Do you think you could sell your house?  If not, you just might have to have roommates if it comes to that.  If you work for a big company then maybe you could advertise to co-workers.  I also agree that your DH just can't "take" your son out of state w/o your permission and if you think he might do that, then you should be pro-active and file for divorce so that you can get an order saying that he can't remove your son from the state.  But you also have to think about this in a practical way--if you are working 60 hrs a week and he can be with the grandparents providing child care, then I think that it would be more likely for him to get custody.  How can you have custody of a child and never be home to be with him?  Is that even possible?  Would you be willing to relocate to your old state or get a less demanding job if it would enable you to have shared custody?  In any event, I do recommend consulting a lawyer.