FAT CHANCE
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| Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:40am |
I find this message board really useful and felt it was my turn to get this off my chest...
My husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for 8 years. We were always a very close couple, always holding hands, cuddling, saying "I love you", hardly ever argued. We had planned out our future and were trying for a baby since Christmas which proved very difficult as he was never in the mood and always tired. Then last week we had a little argument which I thought would blow over but instead he said that he has wanted out of the marriage for some time but didn't want to hurt me. He said that he hasn't been happy for ages and has fallen out of love with me. He said he still loves me loads but he wants to be independant and concentrate on himself. He cannot be a husband and find himself at the same time (men and multi-tasking hey). He said he has grown up now and I am holding him back from getting the things he wants to do done. He wants to soul search and find new challenges.
I can understand all that but the thing that hurt the most is that he said that I had let myself go and that he felt sick after sleeping with me as I was not attractive anymore. Fair enough, when we got married I was a UK size 12 and now I am a UK size 22 but being 6ft tall, I carry my weight well. I have always tried to lose weight and always promised him I would but I have started but only lasted a few days. He is no oil painting himself which annoyed him how he can judge me before he looks in the mirror.
We have a lot of debt so cannot afford to move out so he has moved into our spare room. We are still civil to each other and he has said that he will move out in January when our debt is paid off but will live together for now. I was happy with the situation as I also want to be independent and try new things but at the back of my mind I always thought that once he had done all this and I had lost the weight, he will come back to me. Am I setting myself up for heartache??
I go through times when I feel like I can do this and then I have very low times when I get that sinking feeling in my stomach and think "I will never cope with this, how am I going to live without him" I am also so heartbroken as he agreed the time was right to start planning my long-awaited baby and then he squashes all my dreams. He says he doesn't want another woman near him until he has found himself in life but last night I found messages on his phone and he has registered with a dating agency.
I am determined to lose the weight as I will try anything to win my husband back. What if he doesn't want to come back to me. I don't think I am strong enough to deal with him being with another woman. All my family live in another country and I only see them every 2 years which is really hard. He says he won't tell his family that we have split up until he moves out in January. I am a bit confused - surely if you were serious about not wanting to be with your wife that you would tell your family. Every now and then he puts his arm around me as I think he forgets that he has broken up with me.
Do you think by the sounds of this that he has already made up his mind and will not come back to me or that he still wants to be with me but is doing something drastic to make me lose weight? Any advice would be great.

Hugs, Brenda
Nixiestix,
Just what is it your husband wants to do he can't do within the marriage? The only answer I can think of is date, have sex with other women, and act like a single guy. His excuse that he needs to leave the marriage to do something legitmate is flimsy at best.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Thank you so much everyone for all your advice and kind words of encouragment. It means a lot that people are going through similar things and I am not on my own in all this.
I have had a bit of time to reflect and I think this is a time for me to find myself and be the person I want to be. It's time to rediscover my determination and decide what I want out of life. There is no use crying over spilt milk as they say so its time for me to pick myself up and be the person I always wanted to be!
I will keep you updated with my achievements and tell you all about my new life. Hopefully I can encourage other in the same situation to see the positive side of life!!
Watch this space!!
Hi Nix
Sorry your going thru this,I was married for 26years when my X decided he wanted out. Now my 2 cents on your issue. Your H is using you weight just as an excuse,if you do go and loose all of that weight,he will find something else to use as an excuse. If I had to guess just by the things you have said, he has someone else on the side. I am sorry to say that but if he is determined to leave NOTHING you do will stop him. Also the only person you should loose the weight for is yourself.
Im sorry I wish I had better news. My D was finally final in Sept of last year and my X has moved on like the past 26years of his life never happened. He met his new g/f 2months after he moved out. Me ,I sit here alone.