Feedback from others about the kids....
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Feedback from others about the kids....
| Tue, 06-19-2007 - 1:02pm |
I am seriously considering leaving my 11 year marriage, for a variety of reasons. There is no abuse, no drugs, no cheating. My husband and I have tried everything but are just not happy together and it is not going to change. I am agonizing over this decision because of my children...I have a 7 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. I just am terrified of the effects it will have on them. Our home life is not violent so it may be a shock to them. My husband and I have tried very hard to keep our problems seperate from the kids. If anyone can reassure me that things can be OK for the children (or am I being naive about that?), I could use any feedback that I can get. I just don't know what to do....go on being miserable for the sake of my kids, or leave and maybe damage them for life. Do any kids ever get through this OK?

It sounds like you AND your husband are in agreement that you aren't happy together... and I think it's great when you can recognize that and want to salvage the good parts of your relationship for co-parenting.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
When I first joined the board I received some wonderful replies reassuring me that the children *could* flourish despite the divorce. I even printed one out to keep and re-read.
May I recommend some of the following books to help you in your reflection/decision making process and help you plan for your children if you go forward: "Helping your children cope with divorce;" "The truth about children (or it may be "kids") and divorce." Also, there are research studies that were written up and I think are important to review. The authors of these studies include: Hetherington (For better or worse), Wallenstein (may be Wallerstein)(The unexpected legacy of divorce), and Ahrons (The good divorce).
I also recommend individual therapy to sort it all out for yourself with an objective third party.
I did not chose my divorce; I would have continued to tolerate and work on my imperfect marriage for the sake of my now 5 yo and 6 yo dds. I believe my stbx and I made commitments to each other and to our children that required more of an effort than my stbx appears willing to make.
That is my situation, of course, not yours.
Will the divorce hurt your children? Yes. Can they work through that hurt and grow and mature into whole, healthy, happy adults? Yes. But, the pain comes first and they will need lots of loving, patient, nurturing, cooperative parenting from *both* parents to make it through the loss to reach the hope at the other side.
M