Feeling Angry
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| Tue, 06-21-2005 - 4:28pm |
I am feeling angry today.. Our son was sick and I had to take him to the doctors. I see this women who was an aquaintance of my ex. We begin talking in the waiting room and she starts telling me how much hurt I caused my ex (that takes a lot of guts) Not to mention I am sure she doesn't know the story. I was irrate as she begins asking me how I could leave him and uproot our children. How he is such a great guy with such a big heart......... I just walked away. I couldn't stomach it...
I am so angry.... Everyone has this big believe that I lived a "Beaver Cleaver" life and that he is such a great guy. I wanted so bad to tell her about the abuse, about the other woman... about the drinking. I just couldn't do it. It seemed so wrong. But he felt necessary to say that the reason I left was for another man (which is wrong). I think he tells people that to make himself feel better and to get sympathy.
I am just venting right now....

Vent away!
Just remember that sometimes people say things without knowing the whole story.....
My heart goes out to you. My STBX acts like the total victim, even though I left him because he was abusive.
I think you did the right thing.
I wish I would have filled her in..... I think I was toooooooo angry to react at that point. I just love how he plays the victim in all of this. His new GF thinks that I am the bad person and he is so wonderful. He likes to make me believe he wouldn't have done the things he did, if I was a better wife.
It makes me so angry at times, the way things turned out. I keep telling myself that I got the most important part of all of this (the kids). He wanted the house with the pool, the sauna etc. Part of the agreement was that he would sign over full custody if I signed over the house and all the belongings. He gets the kids 2 x's a week. So that is how it ended up... Oh yeah, I got the dog and the cat too. It is funny how much material things mean to some people. I am trying to start over... Money is tight and I have a very good job. Raising 2 kids and trying to replenish is tough.
The kids don't understand why they don't have all of the things here that they have at their fathers. It is going to take time. It is hard to explain to children that it was necessary to purchase life's necessities (I was allowed to take the kids clothes and my clothes). I wanted out so bad, (and to take the kids) that I just jumped on the offer without an attorney. Now here it is a year later and he is finally signing the final papers.
It is tough and at times it is very hard to see anything good for the future. I feel bad that I am dumping my problems and issues on other people. I have been trying to deal with all of this, with little support, until a friend told me about this site.
Thanks for the advice
Deja Vu !!
I am in the same situation ....we live in a small town and he was born and raised here. so...of course, he is perfect and I am the bad guy. Yes, he told his family and friends that I was sleeping around....not only just sleeping around but with guys 20 years younger than I am !! I had two Jr hockey players living at my house this past winter...one is my oldest daughter's boyfriend, the other is his brother...and he had the nerve to make accusations all winter. I had to get away from him last spring so I took my savings and went to Hawaii for a week....he insists to this day that I was going on a " cougar trip" with some young guy !!
The whole time he was staying in the city over night, turning off his cell phone after work and just not showing up at home until the next day......suddenly as soon as I leave him he is seeing a woman from work. Big surprise...I never would have guessed that's where he was all that time.
I went into OUR home to pick up some clothes for the girls one day and HER make up bag was on the bathroom counter beside his, HER clothes were on his bed...and he still has the nerve to deny that he is sleeping with anyone !!
Still, most people in town probably still think that the divorce is all my fault...cause he's such a great guy and all. ( and because he still tells people I cheated on him )
<<<<>>>>>>
Oh boy, is there some kind of handbook out there for XH's making themselves out to be gold while their XW's are made out to be the dirt we walk on? LOL! There must be, because let me tell ya.... Apparently I forced him to marry me, after we had been together for 5.5 years and then I forced him to get me prego with our second after we talked about it and stopped doing something that prevented me from being pregnant for 5.5 years that would ONLY take his cooperation,Oh and this one really makes me laugh, we weren't even intimate on our honeymoon....LOL! I could go on and on... I must sound like a real jerk to other people!
I think I have learned to let that stuff slide a little more than I did. It hurt like hell at first, but I know now that he has to make himself look good for what he did to me and his kids and the wife before me. He is 29 years old and married and divorced 2 times, left me for a teenager, yeah I would say that warrants some smooth talkin!
Hugs to you :)
Angelena
I to am in the same situation... it has been two 1/2 years and my stbx has blabbed how horrible I am to everyone from our family physician to the guy who I used to have my car insurance with (he even got my rates raised) (I left of course).
My ex retained most of our old friends and even most of my old girlfriends. I loved sang froids response about being a low class imbecile and I hope I can remember it if I ever get even half the chance.
I live in a very small town and I am so tired of feeling inferior... my ex brainwashed the kids that they have to stay at the same school so I am stuck here for 10 years until my 8 year old graduates. He is such a mentally abusive ass to me on the cell phone and by manipulating the kids but such a sweet poor guy to everyone else.....
I am at my breaking point............ I have a new boyfriend that is great and my kids are great but I am so pissed and bitter in regard to my stbx that I can't feel happy anymore. We had a huge blowout last week and I asked that we communicate via email (my thoughts were I could at least think before I type) and he said NO... I will pick up the phone and talk to you when we need to discuss the kids schedules.
When he calls and needs to talk to me about the kids.... I know my voice doesn't show it but I start shaking.........he has such a bad effect on me - i used to deal with it better but lately he is making me feel very nervous on the inside. People tell me that he shouldn't be able to make me feel like this anymore but I can't get the mindset to not let him bother me..... he is always trying to manipulate the kids to spend more time with him then threatens to take me to domestic relations to reduce my child support... which I don't even care about reducing the child support but I will not give up my 50% of the time with the kids...... never.....
anyways......... does anyone else feel like this... it has been 2 1/2 years and things still aren't any smoother.
B