Feeling Bad For Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Feeling Bad For Kids
3
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 7:40pm

I am feeling bad for my kids and super angry with there Dad. I dont know what to say to them anymore for an excuse. They have not seen or heard from there Dad in nearly 4 weeks. They know how he is, they know he is a jerk (i dont tell them that--the know from expierence), they know he drinks too much and that he is very nasty among other things when he is drinking and sometimes when he is not(which is in the mornings). However that doesnt matter to them, he is still there Dad no matter what good or bad. They ask me why Dad doesnt want to come get them and why he doesnt call to see how they are. They are fed up with calling him, he either doesnt answer, doesnt return messages, or does and the call ends up a disaster. The last time he talked to them he told them they need to show him respect, my oldest told him then he needed to respect them. That turned into a full blown 4 hour ordeal. I tell them that he's busy, or he must have had to work, or what ever comes to mind.

In reality he doesnt come to get them becouse he thinks he is hurting me. He is punishing me for going through with the divorce, and now that it is final, we are still suppose to move back in and work things out--get this...for the kids. The last time i spoke with him, he said thats fine, if you wont talk to me and work things out then Ill talk to you in three weeks, we'll see if youve wisend up then. So tell the kids I cant see them or talk to them becouse there mom wont work things out so we can all be a family.

Is he ever going to get it!? That it is over and I am never going back? Is he ever going to wisen up and take responsiblity for his kids and have some sort of a relationship with them?

Just a little at my wits end, why do the kids have to suffer for it?

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 8:27pm

I know just how you feel. The ONLY time I felt sad about the divorce was when my kids felt badly about the way their dad was treating them (or not treating them as he's stopped contacting them on and off along the way as well). I honestly feel that your kids will suffer more if you're living together than if you're seperate. At least now they get a break from his hostility. Don't take the blame for his actions. Hang in there!

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 10:23am

I am SO sorry your ex has chosen to behave in such a damaging way. He is obviously more concerned with getting his revenge against you than what's in the best interest of the children. One night, my ex called me (during the divorce) and said I needed to rethink my choices since it was having such a terrible impact on the family. Of course, there was no mention of the fact he repeatedly said he couldn't be married to me, he was out every night with his buddies, he spent money frivilously and often left me to fend for myself and our son....etc. But somehow, the divorce became all my fault.


You have made the right choice. Don't doubt yourself for a moment.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 1:18pm

Thanks to both of you. That made me feel a little better. In my mood last night I wrote him an email, it was very nice and to the point. It basically told him some of the things the kids are saying and asking. He wrote me back three times. This is a copy of the short email: youre the 1 that took my family away,they will realize that in the future,meanwhile i have to work 2 jobs 2 get by.

Once again I am the reason why he doesnt have any contact with the kids, the other email is basically the same only he states he has to work 80 hours a week to make ends meet and that he doesnt understand why I left him when (his words not mine) you didnt have to work or worry about anything.

uhhh. wish he would just get it.