Feeling cold-hearted and calculating...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Feeling cold-hearted and calculating...
8
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 3:55am

I have been steadfastly planning my getaway for over a year. Paying off debt, working on my figure, researching neighborhoods I'd want to move to, making lists, checking out attorneys, learning about pensions, QRDO's, custody, finances, etc.

I'm beginning to feel a bit evil, but every lawyer's web page says the same thing. Prepare, prepare, prepare. I feel guilty only when he talks about being able to retire in 8 years at age 55 (hello, I have 23 to go!!!).

I only have 2 stumbling blocks left. How to make it work for my oldest daughter so that she can go to the college she wants a few hours a way (and still have food on the table and a roof over my head), and custody of my youngest. Really, only the custody thing as my STBE's parents are wealthy and would step up and help pay for her college. They've already bought each of the 5 grandkids cars when they turned 16 at the tune of $10K each.

I hope to be able to make my move in June after the oldest graduates high school. I plan to consult a lawyer about the custody issue in January. I actually have a To-Do list with goals to meet each month. It helps me feel like I'm moving closer to actually doing it.

Is anyone else taking this approach, aka The Cold Blooded STBE approach???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 10:58am

I feel the same exact way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 12:46pm

My situation is similar yet different. I am the one left standing 'holding the bag' in a bank robbery gone bad. There was no planning on my wife's behalf. We have been off and on in the 'dumps' for roughly two years. Recently substance abuse popped into my wife's daily routine. This was NOT the first

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 10:15am

You are just being SMART!.... you are empowering yourself so that if and when the day comes.... you're in as good of a place as you can be :-)


There's nothing cold-hearted or calculating about that; just being smart!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 11:27am
Thanks for the affirmation that I'm not turning into an evil monster! It would be nice to hear from others taking a similar approach.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:12pm

Just be prepared for his response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:32pm

<>

Its a community property state. Neither one of us will get much say. We've been married 21 years and there's no infidelity or destructive behavior by either of us. The law is pretty clear cut on division of marital property in this state, child support is legislated based on percentages. I doubt I will seek maintenance.

I don't think anger will be his reaction. We've talked about it before and there wasn't any anger or accusations in those discussions. I think sadness and resignation will be it. We've had several acquaintances divorce in the last 2 years and he is fully aware of what happens financially.

And, yes, I realize divorce brings out the worst in people and you don't really know someone until you divorce him.

<>

I don't understand??? Codify what behavior???

Thanks for the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 3:50pm
waiting to walk-- I've been reading these boards for awhile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:08pm

Codifying Behavior -- attempting to express your wishes regarding child care/support that exceed the limits of the law, for example, describing "communication" or "mutual respect".


As far a feeling cold hearted....