Feeling desperate and pathetic!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2011
Feeling desperate and pathetic!
Thu, 09-29-2011 - 11:56pm

Gosh, where to begin! I've been married to my Husband for 5 years, and we have a 4 year old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 12:45am
Abby, Abby. I m very very very sorry for the pain you are feeling, the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the self doubt, the fear, the loss of control, on and on the list goes.. I want to tell you that even without seeing you I know that you are smart and pretty and strong. You did nothing to cause your husbands affair. Do you think you are the only wife to say unkind words to your husband? He deserves much more. So you keep your head up. You can look anyone in the eye and be proud. You still have honestly, loyalty, integrity intact.

What you can't continue to do is beat yourself up. Your husband has destroyed your trust. He was in the same marriage as you and he went about his happiness in every wrong way possible.

You go see an attorney tommorow. Do not put it off an longer. It is time for you to learn exactly what you are entitled to. You will then be able to put your fears aside for custody percentages. You will learn how much money you will have to survive.

Your husband is in absolutely no position to ask you for anything. He lost all his privileges the day of discovery. You get to be in the drivers seat now, are you hearing me? He needs to sit in the back seat for awhile and see whet he thinks of the view from back there. After all, you've put in 5 years back there already.

He can manipulate and lie like a Pro. Affairs do not survive without the participants going to great lengths to maintain deception. His words cannot hold much weight right now. His actions speak for themselves.

Go with your gut, what your intuition tells you.

If he thinks he loves this woman he can have her. You let him go. He may be one of the few, but many lawns burn up as they cross the line. They learn all too late that the green grass they saw is only an illusion. It wasnt real.

In order for you to even have a shot at your marriage he has to cut the girl loose. No contact on either side for any reason. One of my favorite articles is by wikihow: how to rebuild your spouses trust after an affair. It helped me get my backbone back and realize what I could reasonably do.

Tell as few people as possible. Biased advice doesn't always help. Especially if you do reconcile.

Abby- if your parents know, they are devastated. They want your happiness. They want to see you smile with happiness from your cheeks to the inside of your heart. Look at your baby. I know that your baby is worth every stab of pain you have felt and still feel. That is your gift in all of this.

You are not alone. Please take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 10:50am

He thinks he loves the OW but not sure if he wants a divorce?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 11:42am

I agree with music and the other OP.

I would add that your husband wants his cake and eat it too. He has you at home to take care of things and your son and he goes off with the mistress.. Oh; and he is abusive??
Sounds like a nice guy and husband?? NOT.................

I would run not walk to a lawyer and see what your rights are in all the matters and get into some counseling asap..for yourself.

Keep looking for work and stay in that other room..as long as you can and until you can settle everything.

Also,,, If you can save some money or find some money from the household and put it in

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2011
Mon, 10-03-2011 - 11:35am

I totally understand what you are saying.