Feeling A Little Bitter
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| Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:52pm |
I know that the last month and a half of my life has been really great, with no contact with the ex I've had a lot of LESS STRESS. But I have to say that Im now feeling alot of resentment. We both agreed to start a family but yet Im the one having to do all the hard work and I know he will probably want to "pop" back in his life when he's all potty trained, and all the tough times have been done by me. Is this wrong of me to feel this way?
I also resent him telling me he has his "girls", I can keep our son, he'll just have another one. I feel like with all the hell he put me through with the cheating, he is now so into helping the "ow" that helped to ruin my family. So now she gets all the help raising her girls, what happened to me getting help raising our son. That s#%t pi$$es me off. I've had appointments everyday this week from trying to get him enrolled in pre-school, dr's appts and there are more to come. And where the heck is he, helping that b@#ch raise their girls or making another baby as he said he will do.
Im so afraid my job will get tired of me coming in late or taking the day off for these appointments. Then what would happen if I lost my job. I mean yes thank goodness he pays child support. But raising a child is more than giving some money every week. Then when he does call asking to see his son I have to be the bigger person and ignore all the crap he's done these last few months. It just doesnt seem fair. He is supposed to be here to help out with stuff like this. Now in Sept. my son needs to have surgery to get his adnoise and tonsils removed. Do I call him and let him know what's going on or do I just leave it alone. Then God forbid something happens and i didnt tell him I will seem like the bad person. I just dont know anymore.

Oh honey, it is so hard, isn't it?
I feel this way too. A LOT.
I feel like my boyfriend and I have endured the majority of the cost, time and stress of raising Kevin and Bailee while he goes off and starts a family with OW, yes the same OW who ruined my family.
You have to know that he will fail and he will continue to fail at everything until he accepts and KNOWS what his part in all of this was. That is the solice I find in my situation. I know that his relationship with OW will fail, the ONLY thing I feel bad about is that another child will be hurt.
Thing is, I WILL ALWAYS be here for my kids. He floats in and out. I WILL be the anchor that they know and I will be the one who raises them the way I want them to be raised. I get to see their first's, school, lost tooth, my daughter's first steps, all of those things.
I still get tired, Jesse has to take time off of work so I can take the kids to the doctor or so I can do XYZ. It's hard. Oh and all those court dates, Jesse went with me and we had to find a sitter.
All the while my XH picks which child he wants when it is convenient for him. Right now, my 6 year old is with him for 2 weeks. My 2 year old is here with me. Does that make sense to you? It's not the first time either. He took both kids camping after only wanting to take the oldest and came back and yelled at me because he didn't get to have a "vacation"..... OMG. It just never ends.
I just let it slide. I have to keep reminding myself that I will get all those firsts. When the children get older they will decide and I can bet they will decide to be with me instead of him. Then I will get my revenge. Until then, I will let things fall as they may and I will deal one day at a time.
Hugs sweetie, I know it's hard. You will get through it :)
Angelena
Thanks, I guess i just needed to vent a bit. But you are absolutely right. The feeling is amazing when my son feels afraid or someone he doesnt know says hello to him and he clings to me. He knows he's safe. It is the best feeling in the world. All of their firsts, oooh boy, they are amazing too. For missing that I know it's killing my ex even though he tries to act like he doesnt care. I know deep down he does. My son takes longer to learn some things so when they happen they are even more rewarding. My ex will never have those moments.
Whew, thanks for the reminder of the first moments. That gave me a wake up call.