Feeling so so so depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Feeling so so so depressed
3
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:24pm

I wrote earlier about my STBX having the OW at his house this weekend with my children.....they met her last night and I guess things are going fine, I have talked to all three of my children three times since STBX picked them up. Let me recap for you in case you didnt read my previous post.. :) We have been married for almost 10 years. When we were first married, we lived in SC and he had an affair for 8 months with this woman. We have decided to split 8 weeks ago and he has been moved out of our house for two weeks now. He automatically starts calling and visiting this woman when he is on business trips to DC. He has spent two weekends at her house and now she is here with him for the week. This is his weekend with the kids and he decided that they needed to meet her. I let them go (which now i wonder if i should have). They seem to be doing okay but I am a wreck...I cant get over how bad this feels knowing that they are playing house this weekend... each time I have talked to the kids, they are fine and happy...which i am grateful for but that hurts too ya know? He plans on moving her and her three kids into his house in January... I just dont understand.

Joy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 2:01pm

Hi, Joy. I'm sorry you're feeling so down today. I know this must be a really tough day for you. When I faced days like this after my separation, I would journal like crazy. I would put every awful thought on paper, no-holds-barred! And every time I did this, I felt so much better. Definitely give it a try.

Also, just being out and around people can help. When no one was available, I'd go to the grocery store, the book store, etc. I know it's hard, but try to find some enjoyment in your alone time. I hope you're feeling better soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 3:02pm

Oh, Joy, it is such a tough day for you!!! of course it is.

It is however good that your kids are not feeling unhappy. that means that you have been a very good mommy, and that you managed to avoid biaising them... that is why they can smile when meeting daddy's gf.

Now, you need to let go. It is soooo hard - but you need to forgive your ex and the OW - not because they deserve it, but because you deserve it. You are the one deserving the peace, and the more you think about it and build anger and resentment on it, the least at peace your own heart will be. Justice is right - journal to put down your pain, and then go out. DOn't stay alone, and feel the pain. Go out - shop or if you can't, window-shop and plan for Christmas. make lists, make menu plans. meet friends if you can... YOu are a strong, wonderful woman, and you deserve better than feeling miserable.

I hope for you tomorrow will another and happier day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 7:33pm

Thank you so much for your responses! He has taken her and our children to his moms house for the night....2 and 1/2 hours away. I feel better knowing that the kids are with grandma and will be having a marvelous time. They will be home tomorrow and in the meantime, I am going out with some girlfriends tonight...woohoo for me! Letting go and forgiving them is going to be THE toughest thing for me to do... having them involve our children like this is extremely wrong in my mind. I will work very hard on forgiving them because you are right, I deserve it and I dont need to spend anymore time, energy, or emotions on their relationship...they will muck it up all on their own! :)

Thanks again, you ladies are wonderful and I am SO glad I found this board!