Felt very sad last night
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Felt very sad last night
| Tue, 04-22-2008 - 3:19pm |
I thought I was doing ok w/ the divorce, since it was basically my idea.
| Tue, 04-22-2008 - 3:19pm |
I thought I was doing ok w/ the divorce, since it was basically my idea.
Prayers, hugs and positive vibes coming your way.
Just because you could not fix the issues yourself,
Am so sorry to hear the emotional turmoil you are going through.
Hey music,
I'm feeling kind of the same way as you.
I guess it's not easy no matter who makes the decision to divorce.
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Hi there.... don't set your expectations too high.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
At least DH & I aren't doing any yelling.
It is sad. I was incredibly sad for a long time when my ex and I were breaking up, particularly since he was so heartbroken. It hurts to feel responsible for someone else's pain. I knew intellectually that it wasn't all my fault, but it sure felt that way when I was going through it. And I had some ambivalence also, early on. It went away by the time I actually forced the separation, but I did have it.
Some people love and like each other, but do not do well living together. You and your Dh sound like that kind of couple. Really, it's fine that way. Enjoy each other's company when you choose to see each other, but be apart when you need to also. Your children must be delighted with this decision, I know it's been hard for them. FWIW, I think you will ALL be much happier when you and dh each have space of your own. I actually like my ex now, and very much wish him well. We have peace.
I wish peace for you, Liz.
Cat
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
Thank you Cat.
I was discussing this w/ my therapist and we do think he will be happier living on his own, or at least w/ no children.
Exactly what I meant. I also read an article recently that said luxury homes now are standardly being built with his and hers bathrooms coming off the master bedroom. People are starting to be more open to couples not needing so much "togetherness" even within marriages. I've learned with my dh that I need space away from him at certain times. Mornings are one of those times. I want to get ready for work alone with no one in the way, talking to me, invading my privacy. I am not a morning person, and my dh is. Once he's up, he's instantly awake and alert and ready for the day. I am a very slow riser. We do better not trying to mesh our mornings. He doesn't have to feel rebuffed and I don't have to feel like peeling his face off.
Marriage is not the end all be all of relationships, IMO. It's only one model of how a relationship can look. If dh and I were not together for whatever reason, be it death or divorce, I would not marry again. I'm absolutely certain of that, even though I am happily married. When dh and I married, we wanted more children and were raising my two young children from my first marriage. Marriage was appropriate for us. Now, I've had all the children I'm going to have. I like men and would undoubtedly spend time with a man, but not in the form of marriage. He will go home to his place, and I will stay in mine with my children. We can make whatever commitments we want, we can even give each other power of attorney for healthcare decisions if we want, but we don't have to be married.
Sometimes it's just the right thing to do for each of you to take a step back from one another and function at a higher level and greater happiness with just a little more space between you. I think you will find that this is sooooo much better than the status quo. You are probably right that if it were just the two of you involved, you could have made it work. But it isn't just the two of you, and your kids are a very important part of who you are. The thing is, you can have your cake and eat it too. DH sounds like he is very open to restructuring your relationship to better suit all of you, and you can have more peace and enjoyment with your children.
Stay strong.
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7