Female Vs. Male Lawyer
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Female Vs. Male Lawyer
| Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:41am |
Hello
I will be interviewing divorce lawyers and was wondering being a female should I pursue a female lawyer or a male lawyer. Do you think either sex is stronger in defending their client. For instance, if a woman is seeking a lawyer is it best to seek a female as well as she may defend someone of the same sex stronger.
Not sure if this makes sense or matters, but I thought I would throw it out there.
Thanks.

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I think the best is to find someone you are comfortable with. YOu are going to disclose to this person many very intimate areas of your life: your hurt, your pain, your economy and bank account, your sex life, your hang-up, your marriage... and your or your spouse affair... you have to feel ok with this person! Then, rely on word of mouth to select the best one you can afford: surely some friends or family can offer advice, also you can research the lawyer on the net and find out what is being said. Ask for referrals if at all possible.
I agree with the previous poster - try to get referrals and recommendations from wherever you can. After that, meet the lawyers recommended and then you'll know better what will work for you. I worked with a local organization that helps women through the divorce process. They provide all kinds of information and workshops, as well as support groups and therapy. They gave me recommendations for lawyers and they all happened to be women. I chose a woman and am very happy with her. However, when I met with the lawyers, I knew the type of personality I wanted and luckily I was able to find one that matched what I wanted.
Good luck!
Carole
"I worked with a local organization that helps women through the divorce process."
WOW! Do you mind me asking where you live, Carole? A group like that sounds SO neat! I live in a VERY big city, and I haven't been able to find an organization that deals strictly with divorce support. There are support groups on surviving divorce, but they charge a big fee. I also get help from a domestic violence agency, but it's all confidential, so they don't have support groups, and their help is limited. You are very fortunate.
Amy
I am a lawyer, and I really don't think it matters if your lawyer is a man or woman. There are good and bad lawyers of both sexes. I think you should definitely get referrals, and if you are having trouble with that, you can contact your local bar association. You might also want to contact legal services if you don't have a lot of money or income. There might also be lawyers you know if you belong to any organizations or religious groups. If a lawyer you know and trust can recommend someone, that is good. Generally lawyers will recommend people who are good at what they do and also nice people.
As much as we may all want a really aggressive lawyer, those lawyers don't always get the job done in the best way. If you think you will have to appear before a judge, then I would try to find a lawyer who has a good reputation before that judge or court. There are some lawyers that judges detest, and often they inadvertently take it out on the clients. Also keep in mind that you want someone who is compassionate, but your lawyer should not be your therapist (and will charge you for this anyway). Lawyers are not trained in therapy and are just people who happened to go to law school.
That said, you also don't want someone who is a pushover. I have dealt with those types, and that is not useful. If you end up not liking the lawyer you find, you can always change. I would do that carefully, though. No one is ever 100% satisfied with their lawyer. The biggest complaint is that lawyers don't have enough commmunication with their clients. This doesn't mean they aren't working on your case, and every time you talk to them on the phone, they will bill you. (No, we aren't all greedy, but divorce lawyers can't charge on a contingency fee. I keep telling my grandmother to stop chit chatting with her lawyer about the weather!!!)
A good lawyer will remember the key points of your case -- your kids' names, where they go to school, what you want, etc. -- without promting and will keep good records and notes. A good lawyer will bill you regularly and discuss all aspects of your case with you. A good lawyer will not speak down to you and will be professional in court and out of court. A good lawyer does not have to be the most aggressive person or a bully in a deposition. There are "nice" ways to get the message across. And if your lawyer is polite to your ex or opposing counsel, this does not mean that your lawyer is bad.
Thanks so much for your "insider's viewpoint". It was really insightful. I think I'm fortunate with my attorney in that she has about 20 years experience, she was referred by a friend who works for her, and she is able to give me instructions without me feeling like she is "talking down to me". And you're right, she's not a therapist, but she still advises me to "calm down" when I get too upset.
I also think it is important to allow for different attorney's styles. For example, mine has worked with his before, and she knows that his atty is a "negotiator" i.e. one who prefers to settle things outside of court. And costwise, that CAN be a good thing! Unfortunately, my atty knows all of the judges in her area (east side of town) but the case is being heard in the central court by a judge who is new to family law, so we just have to see what happens.
Amy
I am filing for divorce and spent my holidays alone. I married 5-1/2 yrs ago and did not get a prenup. He was broke and I bailed him out of debt and supported his children. Well, I married a mean drunk and he is entitled to half all the equity of the 2 properties I own. My bank account is now 0 balance and I am falling apart. He is bragging that it is about time a woman got screwed for a change and says he is going to walk away w/a pocket full of money. I am desperate for emotional support. Please share any support groups that U know of. This is the 1st time I have written anything on the internet,so I hope I landed in a safe space.
desperate, ann
Hi Ann and welcome! Also ((HUGS)) to you. Sounds like you are going through just about the same thing as I am. I have not been working for two months due to health reasons, and my stbx ran up loans and bills like you wouldn't believe! Thank goodness I was able to get some financial support for me and my daughter right now-it was badly needed for living expenses.
Yes, you came to the right place. IVillage is a wonderful support community with women who are so dear to me already. It is very safe here. If anyone bothers you at all, you just report it to the administration and it is taken care of immediately.
Sounds like you have an attorney already if you know about that "joint marital property" law. I know-my state has it too. It kind of sucks. If you don't have one, please get one as soon as possible. Is he working now? If so, seems like you should be entitled to be reimbursed for all the times you bailed him out. He sounds like a pathetic loser!
I can refer you to a wonderful online support group that I have been happy with. I don't know if you have kids, but it's basically a single parent and divorce support group. Here is the address:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Makinglemonadechatting/
All you have to do is create a membership to join. It's free.
Hugs again and hang in there! I know we can both get through this!
Amy
Tell you what-we can be each other's support system. I will give you my e-mail and you feel free to write any time you need to vent, OK? I will send it to you off the board.
Amy
Hi Ann and Amy:
I just wanted to offer my support as well. Sounds like we all are in similar boats. My STBX had nothing when we married, only worked the jobs he wanted (we live in a resort town so he worked fun jobs seasonally and not the rest of the time). He pretty much played. We had completely seperate finances because of his lifestyle. I never though he would go after my assets. Like both of you I have worked hard, have assets and now have to pay him a bunch. We also have a DD (8). The laws sometimes really don't seem very just.
Good luck to both of you. I am just about done with the the process and should be final in January (and then I get to write him a big check pretty much wreaking my dreams of retirement).
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