A few tears, but not as many...
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| Fri, 06-17-2005 - 12:57pm |
Hey everyone,
I posted last week about how I've been getting the run-around from STBX and his family since I am trying to file for the divorce. He wouldn't give me his address and phone number, which is necessary info for filing on my own, much cheaper than going thru a lawyer and divorcing him via the newspaper.
Well, somebody must have talked to him, 'cause I got an e-mail yesterday from him. It didn't contain ALL the info I needed (of course, that has always been one of his tactics) but this time I didn't fall for it. I didn't let him reel me in. I need the address of where he is living, because I have to have him served with the papers. Instead, he said "my mailing address is care of my parents" and followed with their address. Duh. Even though in my original message I had explained why I needed to know where he was living. But - he gave me his home phone number... hee hee. So I did a reverse directory search on it - and came up with gf's name. That is why I couldn't find him online. It hurt a bit. Kinda like a slap in the face. But whatever, right? He is her problem now. Not mine. She can baby him. One of my friends said he might be hiding the fact he is married... and that is why he didn't want to be served there. What hurt was seeing him refer to it as "home"... I don't know why, I certainly don't want him in my home. So I simply copied the address, (including her name) and pasted it onto a reply e-mail and said ok, I will use this as your home address, thanks. And I told him the process server would be in contact with him shortly. I cried a bit, but it was only for about ten minutes, and I was all right again. Well, ok, so I went and indulged in a big gooey cinnamon roll with a friend, too. :)
He also said he will pay for half of the divorce. Ha! He conveniently forgot to mention HOW he will get the money to me... I won't hold my breath. I know I will never see it.
Anyway, I simply wanted to share a tiny victory. What would once have put me in bed for the entire day, if not more, now only rated ten minutes and a cinnamon roll...
L

An alternative, sometimes, to having a process server track him down is for him to come to your attorney's office and sign there in front of a notary that he received the documents.
I told my EX that was "Choice #1"--aka the easy way... or, if he didn't want to do that, Choice #2--I would have him served.... which could embarrass him, ya know.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hmmmm, sometimes they do that. My ex ran for 3 weeks. I actually arranged with him the morning before to get him served at a time he would be home.... he ran for 3 weeks.
His GF knew he was married. So Im not sure that is the reason he is running from you, there are a ton of possibilities... like he doesnt want to get married again so he will draw it out as long as possible so she won't try to get him to marry her, he might be running from the possibility of paying alimony... or he just might not know what is coming and he is scared.
Funny how that happens. I still don't know why my X ran... I will never know. I laugh when I think about it though ;)
Hugs to you and congrats on the finding of the address. I did that too when he disappeared for 3 months last summer. I searched him and his girlfriend. I didn't find a current address but I did find how old she really is, there is a website that you can get that info from, although I don't remember the name of it...lol. anyway I am with ya on the victory ;)
Hugs,
Angelena
Thanks for the advice, but I am doing a "do it yourself" divorce, without a lawyer, to save money. I am getting legal advice from a lawyer, but doing the paperwork myself. The options here in Canada are a bit different, a process server, or a friend can do it, but the friend then has to go swear out an affadavit, and it has to be within certain timeframes, etc. I don't want to involve my friends, so I think the $60 for a process server (includes the $31 for the affadavit) is well worth it. And I don't particularly care if it embarrasses him. He has the option of a) being served at home or b) being difficult and I'll have him served at work.
Thanks Angelina!
You are right, I will never know why he is doing it. I don't think he is stupid enough to try and pretend not to be married... too many people knew me. And he is very close to his family, too much chance one of them would slip and tell gf.
The money thing may be it. He probably thinks I am going to come after his paltry salary. I know he has no savings, and his credit stinks... I could have ruined him worse, but I refrained. He took out a loan at a bank, that I know he hasn't finished paying, and he needed a co-signor. He didn't have one, so my dad co-signed. My Dad passed away shortly after, but we never reported it to the bank, because we wanted to keep the loan going and didn't have another co-signor. My Mom agreed to this, because she wanted to benefit me. I could easily go to the bank and let them know the guarantor is gone. Then he would have to find someone pronto or the loan would become due immediately. But I haven't. I am actually a nice person!!! LOL!
Anyway, whatever. I am simply glad I didn't let him suck me in to explaining the whole process and doing everything for him. If he wants the info, he can do what I did. LEARN.
:)
Hi Sang!
Thanks so much! I feel pretty darn good right now. I am not going to let him dominate my thoughts and make me miserable any more.
I am especially proud that I didn't let him suck me into the control game he likes to play, you know, here is some info, not all... come and ask me for the rest. You know, make me run after him and obsess. I'm thru with that. If he doesn't give me what I need I can get it somewhere else. (hey - that line actually describes this whole divorce.) And if he wants someone to explain how this works and what's going on and what's going to happen, it sure as hell isn't going to be me. I did EVERYTHING during our marriage, from manage the bills, take care of the house, to find somewhere to live when we were evicted for having a cat. If he wants info, he can LEARN like I did.
Saw my ex-sister in law today. I just waved and kept going. She wanted to chat, I could tell, but bugger that. I don't need the drama, and to hear how wonderfully he is doing. I have friends, I don't need poison.
Boy, I'm feeling stronger than I have in years. Empowered. Maybe I'll go dancing tonight!!!!
:)
L
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That's a terrific way of phrasing it. Glad to hear you're continuing to make progress. =)
-sang