Fight with ex...very upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Fight with ex...very upset
13
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:35am

My ex and I had verbally agreed (yes, I know I was dumb for not getting it in black and white in the divorce decree) that we'd split medical expenses for the kids.

My kids both have dentist appt's on Thursday and I called ex to ask if he'd pay $70 (half). He said he'd call me back, and I immediately knew I shouldn't have called him.

He calls me back last night at 10:30 to tell me he'll pay the whole $170, but that it'll be an advance on this month's child support which, by the way, is a whopping $250. I told him forget it, that I couldn't afford for that much of the support to be for the dentist. He then asked if the kids knew about their appt's and I said no, not really. He said he didn't want me to tell them they couldn't go because "Dad wouldn't pay". At this point I said why the hell would I say something like that?

This led to him accusing me of using my financial nightmare as a way of telling the kids he's a bad father. WTF?! I tell the kids sometimes "sorry, we can't afford that", but it's not at all like I say "Well, sweetheart, I'd love to buy that for you but your father is an irresponsible bastard and doesn't pay mommy enough child support." I don't even HINT at it. The last thing I told my son no about was a Halloween costume. I said we had to make it this year, no buying. My ex thinks this has somehow emotionally upset my son and that I indicated it was ex's fault. WHAT?!

The conversation went on for about half an hour, and when I hung up I just sobbed. Why is he accusing me of this? I want the kids to have a good relationship with their dad. I am not trying to ruin it. Most weeks my daughter protests going to his house. I do not feed into it or show pleasure from it. I tell her that every Sunday night she comes home happy, so I know she has fun, and that it's good for her to see her dad.

This conversation has really shaken me. As angry as I am with him at times, I do not express it verbally when the kids are home, and I do not make comments about him to them. I want my kids to be happy and not angry at me when they are older.

Someone please say something to help me get my head back on straight. Please?

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Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 9:13pm

I know what you mean here too... Joey, at five, eats breakfast at home, normally a yogurt and a bowl of cereal and OJ and then eats breakfast at school, ~maybe~ an hour later... then gets lunch and a snack and is starving by the time he gets home...

When he was a baby, he drank typically 2 - 4 ounces of formula more per feeding than the average child his age and at that point, I would tease saying I'd have to get a second job to pay for food... scary thing is that I think that day is getting closer! Keep us posted!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 9:31pm
It's crazy the amounts of food my son eats. He's 11 years old, 5'5 1/2", wears a mens shoes size 10 1/2, and weighs about 100 lbs. Tall and skinny beast who inhales 1/2 a pizza when we have it and leaves me with 1 slice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 7:07am
wow, that is some appetite!!!! I guess you are in for a few years of massive food bills... scary thought...
used to a girl, who barely eats... I am impressed.

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