Filed the D papers today
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| Fri, 03-18-2005 - 6:50pm |
Hi,
I filed the paperwork with the court today. Is it wrong to feel good about it? My stbx has been so mean and hurtful the past few weeks that he's keeping my reasons fresh in my mind. We have two little ones 23 months and 7 months. He thinks that we should stay together because the kids need to have a mommy and daddy that love each other. My argument is that they need a mommy and daddy that are happy. He makes it sound like I should be able to snap my fingers and suddenly we're in love again. He hasn't been happy pretty much since I got pregnant with our first child. He's been really moody, extremely rude to my family, and doesn't want to spend quality time with me and the kids. I'd ask him if we could all go visit his grandmother, he'd shrug his shoulders then an hour or so later he'd want to either go visit her by himself or just with our oldest. We moved out in the country because that was what he wanted. But he's never there with me and I felt so alone and isolated out there. He keeps telling me that I'm destroying all our lives.
I agreed to let him keep the house without fighting for equity if he let me keep our new vehicle and he has to finish paying for it. It almost evens out. He gets two other older vehicles and the house. I should get almost all the furniture in the upstairs of the house, because almost all of it was my grandmothers. I used my retirement to buy living room furniture after we had kids because ours wasn't safe for little ones, so I want that too. We have other furniture in the basement that he could use (bed, sofa, table). Does that seem unreasonable? He keeps saying that he is getting screwed. He says that if he has to sell the house that there will be hell to pay. He wants the divorce just as much as I do, and he wants people to think that it's all my fault.
I'm so ready for this to be overwith. Thanks for letting me vent.
Liza

There is nothing wrong with feeling relieved. I think most of us do when we file. Regardless of the situation. I did, and he left me for someone else. I think I was so tired and sick of it, it felt good to take a stand.
As far as property....... I'm not sure how that works. My XH gave me all of it.
I hope someone here can help with that.
Hugs to you and good luck!
Angelena
I felt very liberated when I filed.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Reading your story was reading a chapter from my life. I was so happy the day I filed. My husband too was moody and mean and hateful. I am so glad to have him out of the house. I have bad days and good ones. But I haven't missed him a bit. Most of my bad days are caused by the crap he is pulling trying to get me to come back and make things hard on me.
Best of luck to you. *hugs*
It's perfectly normal to be happy about filing. That doesn't mean you are going to be happy in a week or when it's final (I was, but sometimes divorce is more of a rollercoaster of emotion).
As long as the property division is fairly equal (not to the penny, but reasonably fair) that is fine. I have two questions though. Does your attorney think the split is equitable? And who's name is on the car loan? He can agree to pay it in the divorce, but if your name is on the loan then you are going to need to diligently check each month that he made the payment, and you'll need some money in savings to make the payment if he's late. If he stops paying, you are resonsible to make sure it's paid too (and this will protect your credit rating) and then you will have to seek reimbursement from him through the family court. Find out if you can check the account online and make sure to check each month a few days before or after the due date. Also, if the bank sends monthly statements, arrange for them to send statements to both of you.
As far as your STBX not being happy with the split, you need to talk to him. If he feels he's being screwed, then that is going to set you guys up for a rocky start to co-parenting. You should both agree the property settlement is fair, and he should know if he can afford to keep the house. If he can't, then you should sell the house together and divide the proceeds based on all the other property being divided (so he might get more of the house proceeds if you are getting all the furniture). Ask him why he doesn't think it's fair, and what he thinks would be fair.
My ex and I sat down and made individual budgets and it was clear neither of us could afford to keep the house. We sold it and paid off all joint debts first (including both cars). Then we split the rest. This way we didn't have to deal with the messy business of sharing debts after the divorce (one person paying, the other person having it reported on their credit bureau) and neither of us was stuck in a bad financial position with a house we couldn't afford.